...from two tired "ghost hosts".
Oct 31, 2009
Oct 29, 2009
The Year Nine Incident
I know a few teachers, and teachers-in-training. It seems to be a truth universally acknowledged that Year Nine students are the Worst People in the World. The way teachers talk, Year Nine students sound about as evil as low-level dictators, but without the charm.
It's a sad thing for me to hear personally, because for me, Year Nine was an unparallelled year of academic and creative achievement. I scored a tiny speaking role as a maid in our school musical, The Three Musketeers (Milady deWinter backslapped me across the face), and I became, wait for it...
It's a sad thing for me to hear personally, because for me, Year Nine was an unparallelled year of academic and creative achievement. I scored a tiny speaking role as a maid in our school musical, The Three Musketeers (Milady deWinter backslapped me across the face), and I became, wait for it...
Oct 27, 2009
Latex in the Bedroom
I have been a very busy person lately. Hopefully I'll be able to share some of the things I've been spending all my time on with you soon - if only to prove to myself that there are end results to show for all the effort!
I don't know when I'll next get a bit of a break. But you know what? That's cool.
Because I have a new bed!
No, not that bed. That's the old bed - well, the mattress and bolted-metal slats of the old bed - resting up against the wall of my bedroom. The bed was actually The Wah's, and while it's been in Chez Clumsy for close to three years, its story is much older.
This bed!
The top layer is all latex; so I'm hoping to hook into some lovely, comfy, body-contouring sleeps. Starting tonight!
I don't know when I'll next get a bit of a break. But you know what? That's cool.
Because I have a new bed!
No, not that bed. That's the old bed - well, the mattress and bolted-metal slats of the old bed - resting up against the wall of my bedroom. The bed was actually The Wah's, and while it's been in Chez Clumsy for close to three years, its story is much older.
This bed!
It's a king-size! Do you hear that? A king-size! That's so much room, it's barely sensible.
The top layer is all latex; so I'm hoping to hook into some lovely, comfy, body-contouring sleeps. Starting tonight!
Oct 23, 2009
Collector
A woman named Ruth used to live in the apartment above Chez Clumsy.
The apartments had almost identical floor plans; but whereas I opted to lay out my lounge room like a 1920s Parisian bordello, Ruth went with bookshelves. Every square inch of wall was covered in bookshelves, upon which crowded hundred and hundreds of books. One lonely wooden armchair sat at the back of the room, near the door to the balcony. It was just Ruth, and her books.
Ruth still owns the apartment, but she moved to Canberra for work. I have not been up there since, but I can't imagine her taking all of those books with her. But then maybe I don't understand the mind of a collector.
The apartments had almost identical floor plans; but whereas I opted to lay out my lounge room like a 1920s Parisian bordello, Ruth went with bookshelves. Every square inch of wall was covered in bookshelves, upon which crowded hundred and hundreds of books. One lonely wooden armchair sat at the back of the room, near the door to the balcony. It was just Ruth, and her books.
Ruth still owns the apartment, but she moved to Canberra for work. I have not been up there since, but I can't imagine her taking all of those books with her. But then maybe I don't understand the mind of a collector.
Oct 22, 2009
On the Zeds
A good buddy of mine, Dan Barrett, runs a great website called Televised Revolution, about all things TV. He also has a show on Brisbane's 4ZzZ community radio of the same name, in which he and a number of other TV-obsessed types discuss everything that's on the box.
Dan was called in to cover a breakfast shift on the Zeds yesterday, and asked me to join him. Now as you know, I'm never one to pass up an opportunity to yak away on the rager.
We played a lot of music (sadly, no Africa by Toto - couldn't believe the 4ZzZ library didn't stock that), and talked a lot of bollocks - including my sizzling nightclub story, Zombie Jesus, Curb Your Enthusiasm, serial killers, Fritz the Cat, and a bizarre Jeffries Tube/penis pump mix-up.
You can listen to the podcast version here. Enjoy!
Dan was called in to cover a breakfast shift on the Zeds yesterday, and asked me to join him. Now as you know, I'm never one to pass up an opportunity to yak away on the rager.
We played a lot of music (sadly, no Africa by Toto - couldn't believe the 4ZzZ library didn't stock that), and talked a lot of bollocks - including my sizzling nightclub story, Zombie Jesus, Curb Your Enthusiasm, serial killers, Fritz the Cat, and a bizarre Jeffries Tube/penis pump mix-up.
You can listen to the podcast version here. Enjoy!
Oct 19, 2009
Rolling
Occasionally I love to re-visit my youth. So yesterday, I did this:
They played all the games too - Monte Carlo, Roller Limbo (I had a natural height disadvantage for that one), and the speed-skating competition (I sat on the bench munching on $2 hot chips for that one. TWO DOLLARS!).
What other activities smack you right in the face with the nostalgia fist?
They played all the games too - Monte Carlo, Roller Limbo (I had a natural height disadvantage for that one), and the speed-skating competition (I sat on the bench munching on $2 hot chips for that one. TWO DOLLARS!).
What other activities smack you right in the face with the nostalgia fist?
Oct 17, 2009
Table Manners
I wound up sitting next to Queensland's Deputy Premier Paul Lucas at dinner last night.
It was the annual Parliamentary Media Ball, and I'd managed to score a free ticket. Somehow, this meant I wound up on The Head Table with a couple of respected ABC journalists, the Speaker John Mickel, and the aforementioned Deputy Premier (and Minister for Health).
It was an urbane, witty table, and I would like to tell you that I regaled one of our state's senior politicians with urbane, witty banter - or even took the opportunity to follow-up an interesting story relating to the health system that a friend had told me.
But you know, you know that I am Girl Clumsy, Master of Misadventure and Graduate with Honours from the School of Social Inepitude.
What actually happened was about half an hour of me talking with my mouth full of buffet roast pork and vegetable samosa about how the arts doesn't get enough funding, before losing control of basic motor functions and throwing my cutlery all over myself. I didn't even know that was possible.
Line of the night came when for various reasons we were discussing sport with one of the other journos, and I mentioned that netball had posted better TV ratings this year than several football codes.
"You know why?" I exclaimed sardonically. "No rape!"
I mean, that's just unfair, isn't it? Not all football codes are thus afflicted. I shouldn't be saying these things. That doesn't make people like creative artistic types more, does it? I mean, I'm a journalist, surely I must know better than to generalise?
Thankfully I still had some of the aforementioned buffet mid-chew at the time, so I think my reasonably-humourous-yet-possibly-defamatory remark slipped through to the keeper.
But still, this is yet another reason why I should not be let out in public.
It was the annual Parliamentary Media Ball, and I'd managed to score a free ticket. Somehow, this meant I wound up on The Head Table with a couple of respected ABC journalists, the Speaker John Mickel, and the aforementioned Deputy Premier (and Minister for Health).
It was an urbane, witty table, and I would like to tell you that I regaled one of our state's senior politicians with urbane, witty banter - or even took the opportunity to follow-up an interesting story relating to the health system that a friend had told me.
But you know, you know that I am Girl Clumsy, Master of Misadventure and Graduate with Honours from the School of Social Inepitude.
What actually happened was about half an hour of me talking with my mouth full of buffet roast pork and vegetable samosa about how the arts doesn't get enough funding, before losing control of basic motor functions and throwing my cutlery all over myself. I didn't even know that was possible.
Line of the night came when for various reasons we were discussing sport with one of the other journos, and I mentioned that netball had posted better TV ratings this year than several football codes.
"You know why?" I exclaimed sardonically. "No rape!"
I mean, that's just unfair, isn't it? Not all football codes are thus afflicted. I shouldn't be saying these things. That doesn't make people like creative artistic types more, does it? I mean, I'm a journalist, surely I must know better than to generalise?
Thankfully I still had some of the aforementioned buffet mid-chew at the time, so I think my reasonably-humourous-yet-possibly-defamatory remark slipped through to the keeper.
But still, this is yet another reason why I should not be let out in public.
Oct 13, 2009
Vampire tale
Those Twilight novels. Haven't read 'em, but saw the first movie. What a load of rot, eh?
Still, if it gets the kiddlies reading and all that...
Apparently author Stephanie Meyers pumped out those stories as easy as that woman on Brisbane's northside pumps out IVF quadruplets.
I heard this after my friend Keira from Sydney complained on Twitter that she was struggling with writers' block, and would never be able to free-flow-write like Meyers. I replied saying 1) all writers struggle at times and 2) if all Meyers had to do to hook the tweens in was pump out a shitty vampire love story - hell, I could do that!
Now Keira's holding me to it.
There are only three rules for this story: 1) it has to have vampires, 2) it has to have a sickening love story, and 3) it has to be shitty.
So ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Chapter One of my vampire tale...
Still, if it gets the kiddlies reading and all that...
Apparently author Stephanie Meyers pumped out those stories as easy as that woman on Brisbane's northside pumps out IVF quadruplets.
I heard this after my friend Keira from Sydney complained on Twitter that she was struggling with writers' block, and would never be able to free-flow-write like Meyers. I replied saying 1) all writers struggle at times and 2) if all Meyers had to do to hook the tweens in was pump out a shitty vampire love story - hell, I could do that!
Now Keira's holding me to it.
There are only three rules for this story: 1) it has to have vampires, 2) it has to have a sickening love story, and 3) it has to be shitty.
So ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Chapter One of my vampire tale...
Oct 11, 2009
To the Boys
So, Oliver and Sebastian. Your parents have shown their exceptional sense of humour by appointing me one of your Official Godparents.
On this auspicious occasion of your christening - which comes, I might add, just days before the anniversary of my own birth - I feel it is only proper to bestow upon you some of the wisdom I have gathered in my years on this planet.
On this auspicious occasion of your christening - which comes, I might add, just days before the anniversary of my own birth - I feel it is only proper to bestow upon you some of the wisdom I have gathered in my years on this planet.
Oct 8, 2009
In Defence of Daryl
Because what's a little bit of blackface between friends?
(You may want to read up on the Hey Hey It's Saturday blackface debacle. A working knowledge of internet memes may also help....)
(You may want to read up on the Hey Hey It's Saturday blackface debacle. A working knowledge of internet memes may also help....)
Oct 5, 2009
Oct 2, 2009
Festival & Festivities
The Brisbane Festival has two nights left, and I really want to urge those of you who live in or near Brisbane - particularly those looking for some Friday or Saturday night entertainment - to get down to The Carnival's Edge at Southbank.
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