Girl Clumsy: Radio Babe?

Would you believe...

... the whole story of how this came about is too hilarious for words.

But words is all I got.

The People's Choice?

Last month I entered myself into a competition run by the Sydney Writers Centre - for the Best Australian Blogs.

As I subsequently found out, so too did every other Australian blogger - and sadly, I didn't make the shortlist for any of their specific categories. I assume this is because the penwork of a chronically insecure, attention-seeking journalist with a fondness for theatrics and an almost unhealthy obsession with the song "Africa" by Toto doesn't really fall into the categories of Lifestyle, Business, Commentary or Writing.

But no matter. I'm still in the running for the People's Choice award. Mind you, so are about 500 other people, all of them worthy. I guess that means I'll have to take down these worthy, talented writers with the gutter tactic of tacky self-pimping.

So! If you like dropping by Girl Clumsy Dot Com, and you are in possession of a finger that can initiate mouse clicks with a minimum of physical exertion, then I urge you to vote in the People's Choice section. They're listed in alphabetical order, so I'm about four pages in under "T" for "The Bruising Adventures of Girl Clumsy".


Photo courtesy of Kris Anderson



I will also take this opportunity to remind you about Prognosis: Death! Delirium, opening this Thursday 5 May at the Brisbane Arts Theatre. This is ImproMafia's flagship show - a spontaneously created sci-fi schlock medical comedy soap opera, each and every night!

You can book tickets online now - it's just $15 per show, or $10 concession. You can also save heaps with our special Season Pass - you get to see ALL SIX SHOWS for just $50 adults, or $35 concession. If you see four or more shows, it's incredibly worth it. And you'll want to see four or more shows. Because we're awesome.

My character, Nurse Lottie Buble, has had a tumultous few years at St Love Hospital. At the end of last season, she finally tied the knot with her on-again, off-again beau Dr Burton Mangold - only to have her first husband, 25 star General Thaddeus King, storm in and punch out her groom!

So now, bigamously married and with a very pooty Dr Mangold to contend with, it's going to be another rocky road of romance for Nurse Buble.

All your other favourites will be back too - Dr Melody Carmichael and her "pigeon" Dr Ludwig LeStrange, Medical Superintendent Harold Dean, and hospital psychologist Professor Helmut Von Lickenspiel. But that's not all... there'll be some new faces and maybe even some old ones. If you're in Brisbane - please come along! I'd love to meet readers of this blog  - particularly if you vote for it in the People's Choice awards.

See, told you I was tacky.

Are You Capable?

Capril is a sensational initiative.

This is me in a cape, after Not So Pleasance, my directed ImproMafia long-form at the Brisbane Arts Theatre last night. A massive thank you to the cast for going with me on quite an ambitious idea, and the audience for supporting it. We had a barrel of fun and learned many lessons - but you know what? Impro isn't worth anything unless you're taking risks and challenging yourself, so HOO-AH! for us, I say.

I'd like to write more about Capril and some personal reflections - particularly in the light of doing a show like Not So Pleasance, which was all about madness and wonder - but we'll see how we go. After all, you come to Girl Clumsy for poor attempts at comedy and a glowing sense of schadenfreude, and I'd hate to ruin the atmos.

Vote for Tassie Babes

I mentioned recently that The Tasmanian Babes Fiasco, my passion project of 2010, failed to attract any love from Queensland's Matilda Awards..

The Matildas work on a system of nomination by judges. There's a certain number of judges, and a certain proportion of them have to see and like your show in order for it to get nominated. As I understand it, not enough judges came along to see Tassie Babes, so we couldn't get nominated even if those judges who did come liked it (and I really don't have any idea if they did).

But never fear! Shaun King, who played JB in Tassie Babes, has alerted me to the Briztix Audience Choice Awards. It seems all you need to score a nomination here is the love of audience members with an internet connection.

This is where YOU come in!

If you saw our show* about a sharehouse in crisis - complete with glow-in-the-dark tantric genitals; socks-on-cocks; kangaroo roadkill; militant lesbians; cosplaying in City Hall; foul-mouthed South American revolutionaries; dancing teddy bears; frottaging sailors; hippykill bulldozers and best-ever exploding butt pump - then you'll remember the artistic triumph it was.

Actually, I joke about the naughtier elements of the show, but in reality, I'm proud of it for so many more reasons. It had a fresh style, a lot of heart and a damn good cast. And that's the reason I want your help - I would LOVE to get my amazingly talented and frightenly attractive actors some glitzy recognition for their efforts.

All you have to do is fill out this form by this Sunday 27 February - we're in the top section, entitled "Play".

Here's a list of names to help jog your memory, and assist your typing fingers!

Cast

Shaun King (JB)
Amy Currie (Stacey)
Daren King (Jordan, Ensign Le Marquand)
Jamie McKinnell (Taylor, Fingers)
Tom Yaxley (Elroy, Roger)
Michael Fitzhywel (Decoy, Dreamf***er)
Jenna Saini (Missy, Sativa)
Declan Ziemek (T-Bird)
Kath Kunde (Debbie, Bree)
Damien Campagnolo (Fat Cop, Tony)
Drew Jarvis (Phil)
Lauren Ware (Phraedom, Tassie Babe)
Elizabeth Best (Jhelise, Miss Waipukurau)

Crew

Director - Natalie Bochenski
Costume - Robyn Edwards
Set Design - Richard Hunt
Lighting Design - Tom Dodds

Sadly, they don't have a category for Best Playwright - but I'm sure Simon Bedak would be chuffed with any nominations for the play, as would author John Birmingham.

Thank you so much for your support - if we get through the initial nominations round, I will be back campaigning for your support again for the actual award!

*Hell, even if you didn't but heard good things. Or read about it here on the website. Or... actually, f*** it, just vote, early and often, OK?

Clumsy Vs Marsupials

A test of patience and animal husbandry at Adelaide Zoo.

Houston, We've Had a Problem

Ground Control to Major Clumsy...

The Wah and I found ourselves at the Brisbane Powerhouse this evening, courtesy of a last minute offering of tickets to the World Theatre Festival from the divine Aurelie Beeston.

We were there to see Apollo 13: Mission Control, a New Zealand production brought over to help fulfil the WTF's manifesto of showcasing ingenious and different forms of theatre. And boy, did it ever live up to that!

The production seats its audience inside a meticulously recreated NASA Mission Control for the 1970 Apollo 13 launch. Of course, the Apollo 13 mission didn't quite go to plan, and the show's tagline of "Can YOU bring them home?" means it's up to the audience to make decisions to get the three intrepid astronauts safely back to Earth.

But as it turned out a job in Mission Control wasn't my destiny. Oh no, I was going to infinity - and beyond!

Chewing the Christmas Fat

It comes a tad late; but I heartily wish all readers, contributors and all-round attractive and intriguing visitors to girlclumsy.com a hearty and healthy Christmas.

To those of you on vacation - I hope you're having a ball, and getting lots of sleep, relaxation and fun times. For those of you who, like me, are still down the salt mines - more power to you. It's a hard bloody time of year to be working, and you deserve extra nice treatment.

I've had a lovely day, where I was pleased to not do much at all. The Wah and I had an amusing Christmas coincidence - we each gave the other the same little Doctor Who themed squeezy toy:

And now, to Boxing Day!

"Fists of Fury" Issue 1

ImproMafia's latest season is called Fists of Fury, and it's an action-adventure based on detective pulp noir and 1930s/1940s superheroes/mystery men.

Our first show was last Sunday 14 November, and it was a corker. Watch this video, and you'll understand why!

While no doubt the cast did a sterling job in the show, the above piece of digital genius is the work of several incredibly talented people, who deserve a fair amount of fanning with palm leaves and general adulation:

• The Wah - show creator and director; who wrote and voiced the episode synopsis
• Al Caeiro - responsible for the fantastic show photography
• Dan Beeston - responsible for "comic book-ifying" the photos, adding effects and speech bubbles, and the comic layout
• Kris Anderson - who composed the music and did the final motion editing

Please feel free to share this video around - we're hoping it will attract people to come and see the show, which runs for the next three Sundays (21 Nov, 28 Nov, 5 Dec). Best of all, it's only $10! I would love to see you there.

#30before30: Thank Yous

The #30Before30 challenge may be over, but it's important to me to thank the many individuals, groups and companies that helped me out. I didn't get paid for any of my articles, but the generosity of others helped reduce the cost of my outlays for the project.

For starters, I'd like to thank those who donated money to my appeal - the funds (about $100) will be split between the Australian Red Cross and the Brisbane Arts Theatre.

To be perfectly honest, my fundraising attempt was probably ill-advised. I really shouldn't have tried to incorporate that element; I should've known that people rarely pay for content on the internet even when they're proper writers and what not. I also understand times are still tough for many people, plus we're in the countdown to Christmas. So the fact I raised anything at all is pretty miraculous, so thank you very much to those people who were happy to support my charities of choice.

(If you would still like to donate, please do! I will leave the donation button on this page up for a while longer.)

Obviously Brisbane Times should be thanked for publishing the articles in the first place. Read them, they have news and things. And thanks to Aurelie, who took the lovely headshots of me they used on the site.

Thanks to Rachel at Bollyfunk Dance for organising the flashmob that I took part in, that basically kicked off the entire series. I've yet to locate the video of that event, but will post when I do.

Thanks to my Hong Kong relatives for having me over there in early September, and particularly to my Uncle Jan for taking me out trapeze sailing on his superfast boat. Thanks to Kris Anderson for his suggestion of doing street photography while I was there, and to Amanda for putting me onto the cheap dumplings of the Michelin-starred restaurant.

DiscoStu also helped out by reviewing the Pirates porno with me - Stu is a very talented writer, so please annoy him on Twitter and demand he put more stuff on the internet please.

Dan was the guy who just would Not. Shut. Up. about tea-drinking until I finally popped over for a cuppa - he's started a blog full of whimsy (a blimsy?) and don't forget the Smart Enough To Know Better podcast he does with a mysterious fellow known only as The Wah.

The lady who suggested going without a bra for a day was very embarrassed by it, so I won't name her. But she still needs to teach me how to place a bet, if that gives you any clues.

A big thank you to Story Bridge Adventure Climb, who kindly let me scale Brisbane's grand old dame. I really do recommend doing this; it's informative and great fun.

The ladies at Girlfriend Fun and Fitness were just sensational during my pole-dancing lesson - I'm still in awe of my teacher Michelle, and can't wait to get back there to try again, bruises and all.

If you're looking to go a bit Easy Rider, look no further than Morgan and Wacker for all your Harley Davidson needs. Thanks to Phil for organising my ride on a sweet Fat Boy.

I have been informed that the room I made my ill-fated stand-up comedy debut has now been closed as an open-mic room. I'm not quite sure if I'm responsible for that, but hey, happy either way. Thanks to Sandra at Freestyle Comedy Factory and Steven at the Uber Open-Mic night for hosting my rambling style of "comedy" on subsequent occasions. And once again, thanks to all of you who joined in what must be a frontrunner for Greatest Online Troll War of 2010. Your support and acerbic insults still make me smile. AND ISN'T THAT WHAT COMEDY'S ALL ABOUT?

Thanks to those who voted in my online classic album and classic novel polls. I will get onto all the ones that missed out. Eventually.

The Rat-Cunning Crew deserve a big tip o' the dealer's cap for helping me in my quest to conquer the Texas Hold 'Em tables at the Treasury Casino. Chris, James, Pete, Jess, Troy, Richard - may all your pots be monsters.

The lovely, incredibly talented Miranda at the Independent Music Academy taught me how to play Zombie on the guitar, then helped me write my own tune. Thanks to director Seamus too for lending me the guitar. I really must return it...

Oh! The Ragged Band Morris Dancers! These guys were possibly the biggest bunch of awesome folk I met through the whole project. They embraced me warmly and even arranged a special dance practice in the rain in the City Botanic Gardens so I could don the bells and tatter coat and stick dance away.

Thanks (I think) to John Birmingham for luring me over to the Dark Side and a Mac with a trip to the Apple Store. I've been slowly learning about and enjoying the computer, but I still haven't got my "Steve Jobs Is My Master" badge yet. Do you think that's still in the mail, JB?

Big revhead woots to brother Simon and his mate Ryan from City Subaru who hooked me up with a speedy - yet legal! Legal! - drive in a WRX.

The "Stop Being So Darn Clever" award goes to teenagers Rose and Gabby, who helped me learn some cello, and the rest of their musically-gifted friends and relatives.

It's unlikely she'll read this, but thank you to Marilyn Monroe - aka Diana. I passed her in the city just yesterday, wearing one of the bargain dresses she'd showed me when I chatted to her on my birthday.

A massive thank you to my wonderful parents who organised my birthday glider flight through Come Gliding. I do so very much want to be a Magificent Man in a Flying Machine once more!

And finally, most importantly, thanks to everyone who took the time to suggest ideas for challenges, to read the articles, and to comment here or at Brisbane Times. Sometimes a tweet of support, or a Facebook "like" on a post, was all that stood between me and insanity. Never underestimate how powerful a positive message can be even if it is only 140 characters. Thank you all so very, very much.

Old Gateway: My Part in Its Downfall

Strange and amusing things can sometimes happen in my line of work.

Sometimes you wind up spending hours waiting for a person or an event or an announcement that never materialises.

Then other days you wind up officially unveiling a new road name.

#30before30: Play Poker for Money

This article was originally published on Brisbane Times. If you're enjoying the #30before30 challenge, why not consider donating a few dollars via the secure PayPal link in my sidebar? All donations will be split 50/50 between the Australian Red Cross and Brisbane Arts Theatre. Thank you!

We exchanged pleasantries, and looked for a suitable dingy cafe, full of cigarette smoke and despair, in which to speak in hushed tones about the art of Texas Hold ‘Em. Sadly, dingy cigarette-smoke-and-despair-filled cafes are rather rare in the Queen Street Mall these days, so we settled for a few tables under the harsh fluorescents at the Hungry Jack’s.


"Chris" and "James". I'm the one with the cards.

The RCC is a mixed bunch of ne’er-do-wells and mods chasing the dream. “James” won enough one grimy evening on the Gold Coast to pay his yearly TAFE tuition fees in one hit. “Pete” is thinking about changing sides and becoming a dealer to better study human nature at the table. “Jess” is a pocket rocket who can turn a split in the hole into a decent stack of chips. And “Chris” is point man for smooth dressing and attitude tips.

(There’s also “Troy”, “Richard” and an interesting character called “Chiv” whom we lost early in the night to the roulette wheel and a couple of vodka Redbulls).

Party. Birthday Party.

There's going to be some fairly exciting news about the #30Before30 project tomorrow, so do make sure to check back. But until then, please enjoy this:

That's right, I'm having a party. A super-awesome spectacular party. A James Bond-themed fancy dress party. I haven't had a big bash birthday since my 21st, so I'm particularly looking forward to this - and I hope to share it with you!

I know there are people who read this blog who I'm not connected with via email or the various social media networks. If you'd like to come along, please email me (natalie at girlclumsy dot com) for more details about the venue.

Many thanks to Dan for creating the invitation!

Best Ekka Pun

On a cool but only slightly breezy evening, with crowds on the wane, and in the company of the The Wah, my brother and his girlfriend, the Ekka was actually very palatable. The Wah proved how well thousands of hours of first-person shooters can serve you, winning us two small stuffed toy dogs at "Honest Glen's" shooting duck emporium. My brother shouted us to strawberry sundaes. We watched the fireworks. We bought Bertie Beetle showbags. And we did my favourite thing - visiting the farm animal petting zoo.

So Endeth the Week of Impro

Well, I've lost my voice. But that's OK. It's been a good week.

I journeyed down to Canberra on Wednesday for the first Improvention - a gathering of improvisers from around Australia for forums, workshops and performances. It was really informative, and good to get a handle on where ImproMafia fits in on a national level. Turns out we should be damn proud of ourselves; a lot of the themes and ideas that came up in forums were things we've done, or are doing. We really are an inventive and dynamic company, and I couldn't be prouder.

I also played in two shows down in Canberra, and that was a whole bunch of fun. My fellow ImproMafioso Dan claims I gave good performances in both of them, and he only has a few small reasons to lie to me, so that's good. In the Thursday night "Sink or Swim" show, I played a coquettish spy during the French Revolution. As the night progressed, I removed first my scarf, then jacket, then jumper (Canberra is very cold). As the grand finale, I whipped off my bra from under my shirt, and presented it to my revolutionary lover as a device to help him escape jail. I realised, in the minutes that followed, just how much work my bras do during a performance.

Is it right to be slightly obsessed with a
fictional character you play?
Photo by the remarkable Kris Anderson

One of the shows was called "The Director's Mind", by Sydney impro legend and self-confessed Canadian Cale Bain. I grabbed my Q3 and did an interview with Cale about the format, during which he drank most of a beer (improvisers drinking? No!)

I also took part in a radio interview to promote the Improvention early Friday morning, despite the fact I was heading home a few hours later. Turns out working on a Julia Gillard impression was a good call.

Shenanigans in Canberra were continuing across the weekend, but I returned to Brisbane more keyed up than ever before for the massive Prognosis: Death! Yule Die Laughing show last night. We had a great audience, and a brilliant show - full of fake blood, laughter, and murderous Christmas trees. And The Wah received an absolutely caking in fake blood and green ichor. I could see him giggling as he lay onstage getting covered in slime. Normally he's the one dishing out the liquid glucose, so it was nice to see him getting a taste - a sugary, sugary taste - of his own medicine.

A Week of Impro

We had the second heat of our interschool impro comp at the Brisbane Arts Theatre this evening. It's always fun watching baby improvisers - some just 14 or 15 years old. There were lots of amusing moments; some intentional, some not. One of my highlights was a party scene where a player was told to be "Tony Abbott". She replied that she didn't know who he was. So instead she was given the much more teen-friendly Justin Bieber, while her fellow player took on the role of Leader of the Opposition. A third player - who wasn't privvy to the dishing out of characters - then had to try to guess who each of her party guests were. The girl playing Tony Abbott hitched up her shorts and talked about going swimming in Speedos. The party host looked confused, then responded:

"Are you a feminist?!?!"

And I nearly fell out of my chair. I think the internet term is "HA HA LOL ROFLCOPTER".

Anyway, it's just the start of a week of impro shenanigans, as I'm heading down to Canberra on a Wednesday red-eye to take part in the 2010 Improvention. I'll be there for a couple of days for seminars, workshops and meetings about impro - as well as performing in the Thursday night show. I urge any Canberrans bored with that whole election guff to come along to the Street Theatre for some good laughs and perhaps even a friendly drinkie afterwards.

But then! Oh, then! I'll be back, so back, back as hard as anyone can be back, for the one-off impro special of the year - Prognosis: Death! Yule Die Laughing.

This is the Christmas in July special, and it's going to be more fun than a barrel of ebola monkeys. It's on this Saturday 24 July, and tickets are just $15 adults and $10 concession. You can grab tickets at the door, or book online. The show starts at 8pm.

Long-time readers will know just how much this show means to me, how much joy I get playing these characters with my friends. This episode is designed as a one-off, so you don't need to have seen any previous episodes to enjoy Prognosis: Death! Yule Die Laughing.

Going Between

Brisbane has a new bridge! It goes from one side of the river to the other! Revolutionary!

Augusta and Winston

To be honest with you, I've had better weeks.

This one started promisingly, as I attended the lovely wedding of my friends Emily and Troy on Sunday. It was a relaxed and happy day, with the ceremony and reception in one place (always the best option, I find). But a couple of slings and arrows during the week put a dampener on things. I guess them's the breaks in life, but combined with chronic tiredness from 4am starts, it hasn't made for a particularly happy Girl Clumsy.

Luckily the week ends with the final performances of Agatha Holmes, ImproMafia's latest long-form series, and that's more than enough to restore good spirits. I'm incredibly proud of this show, and have a great admiration for all the work director David Massingham has put into it, and to the talented and hilarious cast. A spoof of Agatha Christie/Sherlock Holmes murder mysteries, each night the great detective Agatha Holmes (played by The Wah) must solve a grisly crime.

I have a lot of fun with my character, Lady Augusta Wellesley, descendent of the Duke of Wellington, owner of Cadsworth Manor, ice queen, and dispenser of bon mots sharper than a weasel's flick-knife.

Lady Augusta eavesdrops.
Photo: Al Caeiro

JB's cameo & Commemorative Urinal

Thought these photos might be more enjoyable in mini-movie form:

Again, thanks to all involved - such good times.

Au Revoir, Tassie Babes

See all of these people? These are amazing, wonderful, talented people who I am proud to call friends:

This is the cast of The Tasmanian Babes Fiasco after our closing night's performance on Saturday 15 May. With them is the book's author, John Birmingham, and the playwright, Simon Bedak - both extraordinarily kind and generous gentlemen whom I remain indebted to.

I'd like to write a longer, more reflective piece about the show and all the challenges and joys it brought - but it may have to wait until I've had a teensy bit more sleep.

But I did want to express my dearest thanks to everyone who came along to see Tassie Babes. Your support and enthusiasm is a balm to the creative soul, and means so much to people who do all of this stuff for the sheer love of it. Thank you all so much.

I also wanted to share a few more photos with you. First up, the most glorious final-night surprise for me as director - a cameo by John Birmingham at the start of Act Two. As I understand, he and Simon had gone down to chat to the cast at interval, where the plot was hatched. I was told something had been changed, but had no idea what. When I gazed down at the stalls from my spot in the balcony and saw JB's seat in the front row was empty, I quickly got my camera ready just in case. And well I did!

 JB strolled out through the screen door, examined our red cocktail bucket, then grabbed a bong, lit up, took a drag, then strolled downstage, down the stairs and back to his seat. It was simply brilliant.
 
After the curtain call, we held a presentation ceremony to officially launch our revamped toilet block. The centrepiece was the unveiling of plaques dedicating our men's facility in honour of the author and playwright - now the "John Birmingham and Simon Bedak Commemorative Urinal":

And finally, I was able to snap a photo of the dedicated Burgers who came to closing night - even some from as far as Melbourne and Canberra! These guys have been so supportive and positive - I'm so pleased they had a great time.

 

 In this picture, you can actually see JB handing Mr Abe Frellman (the Sausage King from Queanbeyean) ten dollars. This was because Abe won a bet back at the end of last year - I believe it had something to do with the timing of Malcolm Turnbull's rolling as Liberal leader. I'm pleased that Tassie Babes could be the place where finally, the bet was settled.

Thanks again to all. I have many more photos - and video taped by a cast member! - I'd like to share, so hopefully in coming days I'll do that.

On A Bridge

I'm sure getting excited about infrastructure isn't very cool or trendy, but gosh darn it - today was a fun day to be at work. The day was fine, the skies blue, and the fresh bitumen strong on the nostril and sticky underfoot: