I'm just going to show you this photo...
...and let you make up your own joke captions. Extra points if you can do something original with "swine flu".
I met this perky pink porker at the Brisbane Convention & Exhibition Centre, where I did the last of my MC gigs for the Queensland Firebirds. I've been hosting the pre-game corporate functions for the side's home games. It's been a lot of fun. I've redeveloped an interest in netball, a game I last played as an 11-year-old. Boy, things are different since my days in the GK bib. Players are tall, lithe, quick, nimble and aggressive (in a good way). And the sport is run by people who actually care about the players and the sport's reputation.
Plus they chuck free blue mini-netballs and frisbees into the crowd during the quarter-time breaks.
Netballers can't rely on their sporting salaries to survive; most work full or part-time jobs elsewhere. However, it was revealed at tonight's function that the current ANZ Championship series has recorded higher TV viewing figures on average than both the A-League football and the Super 14 - both of which have much bigger piggy banks than the fellow pictured above.
So if you're looking for a sport to get behind that's full of competitive spirit, action and goodwill, you could do worse than try netball.
There was a moment in the foyer this evening which confirmed one of my own personal maxims - that where there is a person inside a full-size animal costume, there are children keen to beat the shit out of them. Sadly I was too late on the record button to capture the attempted piggy thrashing, so instead, enjoy some funky pig dancing: