Steamy Stormy

I'm on the verandah, and there's a storm before me.

Well, really, I'm on the balcony. It's not big enough to be called a verandah, and it doesn't wind around the outside of your two-storey high-set house.

But it does afford me a view of the lush, verdant, sub-tropical greenery, drenched in the downpour from the afternoon sky:

Rowan Doesn't Want to Help. Or Does He?

I met Rowan Barber at the Kelvin Grove Urban Village this morning. I recognised him from the description he'd emailed - he'd be wearing a baby girl strapped to his chest, a Tigger cap, and a "Make Poverty History" t-shirt, ironically.

"Why ironically?" I asked, after we exchanged pleasantries.

"Because, well, I'm scamming money out of you," he grinned nervously.

After my initial Getting Heavy on the Levy article, fears abounded both in the comments section and on Twitter/Facebook that I'd wind up shelling out hundreds to greedy anti-levy countrymen. But I had all the confidence in the world that no one would front up. After all, is $25 to $250 in cash REALLY worth putting yourself out there for social media humiliation?

So imagine my surprise when I received an email from Rowan, including a scan of his most recent tax assessment. He said he was prepared to pose for the photo, was prepared to adopt a smug look, and prepared to sign it with "That's right - I don't want to help" - in return for his levy contribution of $72.

I couldn't believe it. Surely not?

And then, at the end of the email, this line:

Would you mind terribly if I subsequently donated the $72 to the World Toilet Organisation?

I paused.

I thought about it.

Then I sat back in my chair and began applauding. Rowan - the canny, rat-cunning bastard - cleverly twisted my own post around, and in doing so, provided the most perfectly wonderful end to this story.

Gettin' Heavy on the Levy

There's been a fair bit of contention about the federal government's proposed flood levy - a one-off boost to the Medicare Levy to raise $3 billion to rebuild infrastructure destroyed by the January floods.

Opponents say it's another example of poor economic management from Labor; suggesting they're reaching for a tax to solve their problems rather than budgeting properly. There are concerns the levy will stretch beyond its allocated year. Opposition Leader Tony Abbott claims it's unfair, as it taxes people like donors and volunteers who've already given their time and/or money; and even went so far as to say Prime Minister Julia Gillard was using the floods to mask her government's addiction to spending.

A neat online calculator I discovered allows you to plug in your yearly income and get your projected contribution.  Now don't be fooled by my lavish urbane lifestyle - journalism and occasional jobbing actor gigs don't fetch as much coin as you might think. According to the calculator, I'm up for about $25 extra in tax this financial year.

I realise contributions increase exponentially the more you earn, meaning someone on $100,000 a year will pay around $250. But still, don't people on $100k these days drop $250 a year on smartphone apps and skinny mochaccinos alone ?

All right, that is a gross generalisation. Maybe $100,000 isn't "rich", as some people would like us to believe. All I know is that it's a fair bit richer than me, in the same way I'm a fair bit richer than someone on $35k a year. And the levy doesn't apply to anyone earning under $50k, so low-income earners don't have to worry about an extra slug. As far as I can see, I'm at the very bottom of the paying scale. And yet, I am more than happy to sling $25 towards part of a bridge, or a few centimetres of bitumen, or a bit of cabling.

So I kind of want to tell people on higher incomes who have a problem with the one-off levy to, you know, get over it. "Build a bridge", you might say ironically. Is it really that much to ask, to help rebuild the shattered parts of our country? It's not like you'll starve. Chances are you've got accountants who can help you "streamline" your taxes effectively anyway.

But maybe I don't understand their side of the story. Perhaps there are financial pressures I've not considered. Perhaps the Labor Party IS just a bunch of nakedly greedy toads eager to extract every last spare cent from its desperate subjects (er, constituents).

So here is my challenge. If you earn between $50,000 and $100,000 per year, and you don't want to pay the levy - I WILL PAY IT FOR YOU.

That's right. I will hand you the $25 to $250 in CASH.

All you have to do is pose for a photograph.  To be precise: this photograph:

Yes indeed - fanned five-dollar banknotes, self-satisfied smug look, righteous pointing finger - the lot.You'll also need to sign the photograph, under the statement "That's right - I don't want to help!" And you surrender any rights to where that photograph may appear. On this blog, for example. Or perhaps a bus stop, or billboard.

But surely that's a small price to pay to get your $25 to $250 in sweet, sweet cash?

Oh wait, maybe it's actually just a small price to pay to help your country.

I await your applications. Don't forget last year's tax statement as proof of income.

The Big Clean-Up

It's been an incredibly busy couple of days: visiting flood-affected homes and businesses; chatting to locals and authorities about the clean up effort; cutting audio; filing stories; taking pictures; and doing phone crosses back to the Brisbane and Sydney stations.

For those interested, I've compiled a photo montage:

The floods have left many residents in Bundaberg with a big challenge ahead of them, but the overwhelming feeling I've encountered is one of resilient optimism. People are simply getting on with it. The local disaster response has seemed well-organised and effective, and I hope it's the same in other parts of Queensland similarly affected by floodwaters.

It's certainly been a great experience to come to Bundaberg, and I can only wish the town and its people all the best in the future. If you'd like to donate to the Premier's Disaster Relief Appeal, you can do so by clicking here.

Foolish Behaviour

Queensland is flooding, and being a short-staffed week at the radio station, I'm like a scalped whale at the moment: I've got water on the brain.

Emergency Services are quite rightly getting fed up with people ignoring "Road Closed" signs, and crossing flooded motorways and streets. These intrepid adventurers take a punt that their Magna or Cruze can handle half a metre of muddy brown H20 - but the result is a inevitably a parade of surprise-looking wet people standing on the roof of their automobiles awaiting a swift water rescue team.

Police are even starting to charge people who they believe have ignored advice and recklessly entered floodwaters. One such example is the case of the Bremer River Three - a trio of teenagers who decided floating from Ipswich to Brisbane on inflatable mattresses would be a top notch way to spend a Monday.

If nothing else, they've forgotten to "slip" on a shirt. Tsk.

Now, I can wholeheartedly agree with the official line that this is foolish and risky behaviour. Essentially these three are the biggest d***s in the 'swich since that peculiar tattoo-gone-wrong case.

And yet...

Mind The Gap

The Gap, Brisbane's north-west. 0713 hours. The military rolls in, with cameramen keen to get shots:

Intrepid reporter Girl Clumsy has been on scene since 0600 hours, after receiving an unexpected-but-should-really-have-been-expected-considering-the-scale-of-this-thing phone call directing her to Weemala Street, where Kevin Rudd (Prime Minister) would be touring badly damaged properties and offering to wash the feet of those affected. Or perhaps just shake their hands.

Either way, it's a good photo opportunity. Sadly, intrepid reporter Girl Clumsy fails to be intrepid enough, leaving her camera in the car, and only retrieving it after the PM left for Canberra. Still, much damage is noted after the media scrum lets loose its grip on the nation's top elected official:

 

Girl Clumsy captures these images after said Prime Minister packs up to head back to Canberra. She also managed to snap Anna Bligh (Premier) welcoming young army dudes, and directing them towards houses still covered in trees, branches and fallen powerlines:

Girl Clumsy eventually gets out of Storm Zone Alpha at 0745 hours. She returns to her studio base; happy to find her digital recorder has not, in fact, packed up due to water damage. She manages to download photos of her adventures - many of which she forwards on to Brisbane Times, where they feature prominently - with a credit!

Downside to intrepid reporting: calls from members of the public living in Keperra, which while also damaged by the storms, hasn't featured as prominently as The Gap in media coverage. Sorry Keperra people, and those from other suburbs badly hit by storms. Girl Clumsy knows you've suffered too. But she's only one person, and has to go where the politicians go...