Oct 17, 2009

Table Manners

I wound up sitting next to Queensland's Deputy Premier Paul Lucas at dinner last night.

It was the annual Parliamentary Media Ball, and I'd managed to score a free ticket. Somehow, this meant I wound up on The Head Table with a couple of respected ABC journalists, the Speaker John Mickel, and the aforementioned Deputy Premier (and Minister for Health).

It was an urbane, witty table, and I would like to tell you that I regaled one of our state's senior politicians with urbane, witty banter - or even took the opportunity to follow-up an interesting story relating to the health system that a friend had told me.

But you know, you know that I am Girl Clumsy, Master of Misadventure and Graduate with Honours from the School of Social Inepitude.

What actually happened was about half an hour of me talking with my mouth full of buffet roast pork and vegetable samosa about how the arts doesn't get enough funding, before losing control of basic motor functions and throwing my cutlery all over myself. I didn't even know that was possible.

Line of the night came when for various reasons we were discussing sport with one of the other journos, and I mentioned that netball had posted better TV ratings this year than several football codes.

"You know why?" I exclaimed sardonically. "No rape!"

I mean, that's just unfair, isn't it? Not all football codes are thus afflicted. I shouldn't be saying these things. That doesn't make people like creative artistic types more, does it? I mean, I'm a journalist, surely I must know better than to generalise?

Thankfully I still had some of the aforementioned buffet mid-chew at the time, so I think my reasonably-humourous-yet-possibly-defamatory remark slipped through to the keeper.

But still, this is yet another reason why I should not be let out in public.


  1. You are not alone in the clumsy, I just spat coffee all over my monitor when I read you post.

  2. Because I was drinking it and your post was very funny I mean

  3. Don't know about that, I suspect certain elements of society would become glued to their TVs for the ANZ Champs if the odd story regarding alleged 'bunning' style bonding rituals of the Firebirds or Swifts reached the news. Mind you they're not the sort of elements I'd be queueing up to buy a beer for.

    Would multiple incidences of 'bunning' be Bunnings? I know a lot of people go there for the free sausage action, but that's a bit over the top.

  4. If you love something, set it free. If it comes back it was yours all along. If it doesn't, it never was. Or it has been way-laided because of a poorly timed but brilliant joke.

    You should not be let out in public.
    You are too funny to risk.
    I would sooner imprison you forever.

  5. ...huh. I don't see much TV these days, but last I heard, 'rape' was actually a ratings-winner for the broadcast channels. I heard a rumour Nine was planning a new reality TV show featuring prominent football players and desperate young model/actresses called something like "More Bang For The Gang"...

  6. I think the world needs more journalists like you.