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Greetings, readers. Allow us to introduce ourselves. We are Natalie’s breasts. Pleased to make your acquaintance.Obviously if we meet in person we do like it if you make eye contact with us, but we’ll manage if you prefer to look in Natalie’s eyes.
A lady known only as Mary gave Natalie the #30before30 suggestion of “going a normal day without wearing a bra”.
Now there’s been the odd illness where Natalie’s spent the whole day in her pyjamas, or perhaps a lazy Saturday that didn’t require anything more uplifting than a Berocca and a copy of The Power of One – but when you’re talking regular days, Natalie always makes sure we are firmly strapped and packed into the most appropriate undergarment (Not that she’s very caring about us. Would it kill her to adjust the straps occasionally?).
Anyway, we thought we were much better placed to write about Natalie’s challenge to go bra-less than she, as obviously we were more directly affected.
Challenge 1: Dressing.
The choice of what to wear when going unsupported is dramatically reduced. For instance, thin, floaty fabrics were right out. White blouses raised a red flag. In the end we went for a dark grey button-up shirt, but, worried about gape, teamed it with a light grey waistcoat. The vest also helped control some bounce issues – helpful considering Natalie was walking us to work.
Challenge 2: Walking to work
Natalie was working out of the city on Bra-less Day, and so a brisk stride from her near-city abode was required. The fact that it was the windiest day of spring so far caused us some minor panic, and made us grateful for adding the waistcoat to stop flapping. Natalie was having enough difficulty controlling her skirt.
The biggest hurdle was where to store her MP3 player. Natalie normally nestles the device inside the left cup of a bra – a handy carry case if you will. Initial attempts to rest it between the shirt and the waistcoat result in the MP3 player plummeting through her garments to the pavement. Eventually, we come to the rescue; we remain spritely enough to balance the device ourselves.
Challenge 3: Working
Apart from Natalie’s constant checking to make sure we remained safely enclosed in fabric, this was the easiest part of our day. Also, we suspect Natalie may have dropped some of her lunch on us, but she insists she was just adjusting her collar.
Challenge 4: Post-work meeting on the other side of the city
This required quite an energetic run down George and Charlotte Streets, then up Edward to the far side of Queen. Quite a route without underwiring. We needed assistance, and Natalie responded by clasping her arms close to her sides, then raising the forearms to form a “guard of honour” for us. It’s hardly a natural look, but better than us knockers making an impromptu appearance at knock-off.
Challenge 5: Evening hip-hop dance class.
Honestly, we don’t know why Natalie persists with this - she has about as much co-ordination as David Hasselhoff after a drink. At least normally she reigns us in with a racer back sports bra, a crop top, and an exercise tank with an inbuilt “shelf”. Tonight, she’s just put on the tank top.
She realises how difficult it’s going to be when the instructor puts on the warm-up music and begins by jumping on the spot. Ouch. Then the dance routine itself gets underway. It’s an interesting coincidence that the song of choice is by the Black-Eyed Peas - Fergie and co aren’t going to be the only ones with black eyes come morning.
Natalie tries to keep a low profile by hiding up the back, but the instructor keeps rotating the lines. She is forced to cheat to protect us – not throwing herself completely into the “groove”, as it were. By the end though we’ve rewritten the lyrics to “Imma Be” to “Imma Dee-dee, I’m a Double D...” Talk about busting a move.
All in all, this was an interesting experiment. Some have asked if it felt “sexy”. Well, far be it for us to judge that. Natalie certainly paid us a bit more attention than usual, but that was hardly in a romantic way – more to make sure we weren’t accidentally popping out to absorb some Vitamin D.
It’s certainly not the kind of thing we would encourage, but for a day or so, here and there, we should be able to keep abreast of the situation.