SPOILER WARNING - SPOILER WARNING - SPOILER WARNING
Please do not read this post unless you have seen the new James Bond film Skyfall.
Tom: It wasn't like this before.
Deborah: Definitely not like this before.
Tom: Oh, here's the agent.
Mr Forster: Tom, Deborah! Great to see you! Welcome to your new home.
Tom: ...about that...
Mr Forster: I've got the keys right here for the final inspection and handover.
Tom: I'm not sure you'll need those.
Mr Forster: Ahhh... I see the cleaners have been through. Must've forgotten to lock the front door.
Deborah: The front door's in the front yard.
Tom: On fire.
Mr Forster: And doesn't that oak burn well? Quality hardwood there.
Deborah: And the Aston Martin?
Mr Forster: I'm sorry?
Deborah: The Aston Martin. Strafed with bullets.
Mr Forster: A classic British car.
Tom: Also on fire.
Mr Forster: It's post-modern artwork. Possibly a Banksy.
Deborah: It just seems there's a few differences since we first inspected.
Mr Forster: Nothing unusual, just a customary going-over by the departing family.
Tom: I thought the owner was dead?
Mr Forster: Yes, yes, that's what we understand, terrible thing. Not sure what he did. Something for the government. Inherited the estate from his parents, but hasn't been here for years.
Deborah: Are you sure?
Mr Forster: Why?
Deborah: It just seems there's a few things missing.
Mr Forster: Like what?
Deborah: Like the roof.
Mr Forster: Ohhh... no, no, that's just a trick of the light. It's these Scottish glens, you know, all misty. Let's head inside. Just mind the smoke... that is, the mist.
Tom: It's awfully drafty.
Mr Forster: It is well ventilated for such an old manor house, isn't it?
Deborah: There's a lot of nails on the floor.
Mr Forster: Perfect for DIY fixups.
Tom: And these bodies, stacked like cordwood over here?
Mr Forster: Poachers.
Mr Forster: Let's head into the drawing room. Just mind the blood.
Deborah: Now see, this is new.
Mr Forster: What's that?
Deborah: The helicopter.
Tom: I don't remember that before either.
Mr Forster: It's not a new feature, it's just been cleaned and restored.
Deborah: It's a smouldering wreck.
Mr Forster: So what you're saying is that it's not "Apache" on what you thought you were buying?
Mr Forster: I'll cancel the deposit.