Dear Britney,
It's no secret that you've had a pretty rough couple of weeks. Radical image changes, rehab, public explosions of anger, looming child custody battles - it hasn't been a good time for you. The massive media attention can't be helping; indeed, as a journalist, I know it must only be making matters worse. What you need is some down time, somewhere far away from the U.S. paparazzi. Somewhere you can just have time to clear your head.
So I would cordially like to invite you to come to stay with me, Girl Clumsy, at my new apartment in beautiful Brisbane, Australia. I've only just moved in so the place is still clean, and you'll have your own room and bathroom. I also have a really, really cool new red lounge suite (you'll love it).
I've had my problems with anger in the past - you should have seen how mad I got when I wasn't cast in my school's play back in 1996. I had to go and see the Head of Students and everything. So I know what it's like for everyone to think you're a freak, and what it feels like when everyone's watching you and waiting to see what your next mistake will be. I know that at my house, no one will judge you, and you can just relax.
If you come and stay at my house, we can play Monopoly, or Cranium. I have heaps of DVDs we can watch. Do you like Futurama? But if you want to be mostly by yourself, that's fine too. I'm at work full-time, so you'll have to get yourself lunch, and sometimes dinner. I'll make sure the fridge is stocked, and there's lots of nice cafes in our area.
Please consider my offer. I'd really like to help you get back on your feet. But please don't think I'm telling you what to do. God knows you've had enough of people telling you what to do your whole life. If you do decide to come down to Brisbane, I hope it's 100 per cent your own decision.
Hope to see you soon,
Girl Clumsy.
P.S. I really liked what Craig Ferguson had to say about you! He seems like a nice Scottish man.
Agreed, Brisbane is a better town than that Mad Hollywood Town. Oh Dear a town that has Henry Winkler deciding over where Anna-Nicole Smith should be buried..give me a break..oh and make sure that you bring Lindsay Lohan with you Britney, I think you need a place with a 3am Lockout!
ReplyDeleteI've never heard of Craig Ferguson but what he says in this video is quite important.
ReplyDeleteIt is amazing that a comedian on american television (though he *is* scottish) spent 12 minutes talking about alcoholism in a serious manner. The best bits are when the audience giggles about what he is saying and eh points out it isnt funny to laugh at others misfortunes but cruel.
Natalie, This is the reply for the nice feedback you gave on my website ;)
ReplyDeleteNo problem Natalie, thanks for the great feedback for the site..actually through the host I'm through, you will be able to check how many people have checked out the site, plus the locations where they are as well.
I am through DeltaWebHosting.com, which only cost me AUS$12 per year for the domain, plus AUS$4 per month for 5GB Transfer and 500MB. It's easy to set up, and I can do this for you if you'd like..I would love you to link, and will place a link on my blog as well...actually, would you be able to come onto our next podcast to talk about stuff and what you do ;)
sure - when u write a letter asking britney to come to ur house you get plenty of intellectual comments on your blog. when i do it, i get a visit from the police dept and court order saying i have to stay 100ft away! (dont get me wrong, a bald-headed chick is enough to keep any guy away!)
ReplyDeletei wonder if she'd wanna come cocktail drinkin with us??
-mixmaster