Pants

I wolfed down some crumbed calamari and chips for lunch today - mmm, healthy I know.

Once finished, I did what most right-minded and bloated adults do - I undid the top button on my trousers.

I made a mental note to do it back up before the media conference, but did I remember?

Of course not. And then I went into a Premier Pete media conference.

Well, at least I was sitting down for it. And I was wearing cute new pink-and-black underpants, so if anyone had seen anything, at least it wouldn't have been too bad.

Sometimes, I think the meaning of my existence is to make other people feel better about their own lives.