Jan 12, 2009

Girl Clumsy Knows Nothing About Fashion...

...but dagnabbit if I ain't gonna judge 'em all harshly anyway.

The best-dressed at the Golden Globe awards:

Evan Rachel Wood - Marilyn Manson's ex shows exactly how to wear black. Just perfect. I wish I was thin so I could pull off a dress like this.

Drew Barrymore - Speaking of Marilyns, hello Monroe. At first I thought the hair was too big. Now I'm just in awe. Drew is mainlining glamour. She's stuffed to the gills with gorgeousness. If she were anymore feminine, her ovaries would explode.

Samantha Harris - I have no idea who this chick is. All I know is the dress, the colour, the neckline - HAWT.

January Jones - This dress is divine. And her name's January Jones. She's in Mad Men, but dammit, she should be a private investigator, luring philandering billionaire husbands into honey traps, then clamping them to the bed with a set of handcuffs before telling their satisfied wives to start divorce proceedings. Sorry, where was I?

Honourable mentions: Kate Winslet (sigh - so elegant), Cameron Diaz (just rocks anything she wears), Mary-Louise Parker (drool, drool, please let me look like this one day).

Worst-dressed at the Golden Globes:

Renee Zellweger - OMG WTF?!?! At what point do you put a flesh-coloured bra under a sheer black top? Either get the girls out, Renee, or pop 'em in something black and lacy. Then there's fish-tail skirt, and the hair... it's wrong. It's all wrong.

Angelina Jolie - Yeah, I know. I'm going there. I'm saying it. BLAND, Angelina. BLAND. You are not a bland woman. Don't give me "meh" fashion. Extra points for the Brad Pitt accessory though.

Olivia Wilde - the House actor has been put on the best-dressed lists, but not with me. I think she needs to start putting herself on a hamburger diet. She looks positively gaunt. And her dress, while not quite Gwyneth Paltrow-pink, is still fairly high-school formal frou-frou.

Jennifer Lopez - for some reason J-Lo's decided to dispense with haute couture, and just wrap some velvety gold curtains from a local strip club around her jugs.

Dishonourable mentions: Lisa Rinna (go away, trout pout & fake tan), Demi Moore (Demi! The 80s are over!), Glenn Close (no, no, no Glenn! Check out Susan Sarandon for advice on how to pick a suit), and Mickey Rourke (kill it! Somebody kill it! It's... oh wait, that is Mickey Rourke. Ouch).


  1. Oh GC......
    I think you may have latched onto the vacancy caused when Mr Nasty (Can't remember his name) He used to put out an annual worst dressed listing until he turned up his tootsies last year

  2. I liked Anne Hathaway. Old school glamour. J-Lo rocked her thing. Ok it was kooky, but she's a diva and rocks whatever she does. Laura Linney looked SO elegant, even in a strange colour. Kyra Sedgwick had a colour that made me drool as was Mary Louise Parker's choice. What the hell was Marisa Tomei wearing? I kinda liked Melissa George's thing. Very retro. Penelope Cruz looked like she forgot to put her dress over her body shaper. Sandra Bullock I could almost leave heterosexuality behind for. Somebody take Susan Sarandon to a decent bra shop, though the suit was lovely. Cameron Diaz's looked like a doona cover and she had too much slap on her face. Ages her, but she clearly still thinks she's a perky 21 year old. Drew Barrymore is an angel child, even though she's not been a child for a long time. Salma Hayek rocked those boobies as she always does. I totally envy her boobies. Sigourney Weaver was the picture of elegance. Poor Emma Thompson, why are you out with your house coat on? Rachel Griffiths is using the doona method too. Renee Zellweger... Twitch! Twitch! Jesus what is that?

  3. Sounds like Secret Womens Business to me.

  4. Yeah, and meanwhile in Iraq, Afghanistan, Somalia, Zimbabwe, Tibet...

    The truth is that in our world, the "trivial" takes up as many newspaper inches and online links as the "serious".

    Judge as you will. When I know how to solve the crisis in Gaza, or have something humourous to say about the massed forces of Israel versus the guerilla tactics of Hamas and the rising death toll in the Strip, I'll post on that.

    Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.

  5. I thought the Gaza Strip was something Natalie Portman wore at the last awards night

  6. I've always thought the Gaza Strip sounded like a particularly thorough pubic area wax. Scorched earth, as it were.

    In which case, there were probably many of the above actors sporting a "Gaza Strip" at the Globes. ;)

  7. It shows how little TV I now watch as I didn't know the names of many of the actresses on the red carpet. Of course the three ladies form House all looked hotter than the Photosphere.

    Have to disagree with you on Drew barrymore though very ordinary. Kate Winslet looked very good though.

  8. That dress on January Jones was a real hit with me and looked just amazing with her hair. Zellweiger should fire her stylist, with prejudice.

    I hated Maggie Gylenhall's which looked like a 70s pool room

    I thought Anna Panquin just looked so simple and elegant in her dress