I am, in general, a fairly enthusiastic supporter of social networking as a 21st century communication norm. But you know what? It's been bugging me a bit of late.
I mean, Facebook's been a bit s*** since the most recent redesign. I can't work out how to block stuff, so all I get is a random series of quiz results about what Disney f***ing Princess or Type of Alcohol someone is. Then I get a stream of requests asking me to take part in "How Well Do You Know Insert-Name-Here?" surveys. Note to internet: I am a sad, selfish individual. I do not remember s*** about you. I am too busy trying to remember where I left my wallet and whether my mother's having a birthday this year. I admit I am a horrible, uncaring friend. But I promise you, it'll be better for both of us if I don't have to answer whether I think your favourite film star is Harrison Ford or Chuck Norris.
Then there's the Facebook marketing droidbots, who assume that because I'm a female aged between puberty and death I must be desperate for every f***ing bit of baby-related advertising under the sun. I'm sorry Facebook, but I know nothing about pregnancy, childbirth or breastfeeding, and I'M OKAY WITH THAT.
Twitter's been marginally less frustrating, but I fear it may be ruined by a**holes. And not just the a**holes using the service. I'm talking about the type of a**holes who think they're more superior than others using the service.
I think this because I've just discovered Tweeting Too Hard, a website where you can nominate someone's "self-important" tweet, and, ha! let the world world know - ha! - what a wanker they are! Ha!
Now pardon me, but who the f*** is getting away with this s***?!?!? Who is judge, juror and exe-f***ing-cutioner here? Some random interwebz freakazoid, hands calloused from too many hours thrusting in the general direction of his limited edition Buffy DVD collection, who accidentally found my stream of random tweets and decided I had it coming?
Let's face it, everything about social networking is self-indulgent. We're sitting in our house, or our office, or - thanks to 3G phones - in a car, on a boat, in a pub or theatre, on a beach, in the middle of the f***ing rainforest or on top of the Eiffel Tower - sharing our minute, random, inconsequential thoughts with people.
If that's not the definition of self-importance than I'll go eat my hat.
I'm not saying be ashamed of it, I'm just saying get some f***ing perspective and look at your own damn shadow.
Once all is said and done, I probably won't swear off social networking. But hot-darn-it if I ain't gonna break my asterisk key swearing about it.