Ladies and gentlemen.
I think we can all agree that Yours Truly and Clumsily is one of the humblest, most decent and fabulously down-to-earth persons you're ever likely to encounter. It is not my style to self-aggrandise, to point out how envious others should be of my uber-hip existence. I may be the cream of Brisbane's social elite, but it's not my place to tell others they want a lick.
But lately, I get the feeling I need to do a little more self-promotion. Because people seem to be passing my all-round awesomeness.
It began last week, when I was left off the City News list of 100 Movers and Shakers in Brisbane.
"Odd," I thought at the time. "If they'll let red-headed radio announcers on, surely I should have a spot."
But I shrugged it off, and went back to sipping skinny soy decaf mocha lattes and watching Spanish films.
However, today appears to be strike two against the "Isn't Girl Clumsy Friggin' Fantastic?" movement - as I have been left off the Queensland's 150 Icons List.
It's a shock, I know. You'd think I could have made two or three of the categories.
"Sports Legends" - sure, I've never represented Queensland in any major sporting code, but I was in the St Paul's School 1993/1994 back-to-back premiership-winning girls' hockey team. And let's not forget I walked 10 kilometres of the Great Wall of China, despite my dodgy knee. I don't remember "King" Wally Lewis or that wet blanket Pat Rafter having to climb up those steep ascents.
In the "Defining Moments" category - all right, I may not own a giant winking kangaroo, or have those funky pavillions from World Expo '88, but Doctor Who parties at my place are always guaranteed to go off.
And as for "Influential Artists" - well, this is the knife that cut deepest. Oh yeah, David Malouf may have banged out a classic novel or two, and Geoffrey Rush may have picked up more silverware for acting than a kleptomaniac convict, but Keith Urban? Are the Queensland people honestly prepared to admit that the bloke who sings... um... that song with the ... um... yeah, that country music song, you know the one I mean - the bloke who sings THAT - are the Queensland people honestly going to say Mr Nicole Kidman has given more to this state artistically that moi? Can I remind you people - I AM THE GIRL WHO CONSTANTLY PARADES HER BOSOM AT IMPROVISED COMEDY SHOWS. Does that mean NOTHING to you?!?
Well, I hope you're all happy with yourselves and your voting. If you wanted to aim your slings and arrows at my fragile ego, then mission accomplished. This little heart will need some mending after this epic betrayal.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go. I think I have something in my eye...