I must admit to always being somewhat amused by The Wah's constant fear of a zombie uprising, or zombiepocalypse if you will.
It's rare he does not enter a residence or building new to him and immediately scope out a preferred hasty-exit route, or if one cannot be found, a preferred hole-up location - just in case the zombiepocalypse decides to strike while he's at a house-warming or popping into the bank.
But perhaps I've been too quick to mock his paranoia. Perhaps the zombiepocalypse is coming sooner than expected.
What changed my mind? A small but significant discovery at the Milton IGA:
That's right - Zombie Chews. "Sour Strawberry" flavoured, as it happens. And the company that makes them? Sweetmans. Oh, the irony. For impending zombie infection-by-candy is NOT sweet. Not sweet at all.
(As an aside, the Zombie Chews' slogan "Lot's a Fun!" is also not sweet. In fact, its flagrant inclusion of an unnecessary apostrophe is repellant; not to mention the faux-Italian use of "a" rather than "of".)
According to the garish pink packaging, Zombie Chews are a product of Turkey. What do our friends and old foes who bestride the Dardanelles know that we do not?
As you can tell, I have not sampled the sour strawberry horror of the Zombie Chews. I fear any ill effect suffered post-consumption will lead to The Wah cleaving my head in with the salad tongs (being as how we lack a meat cleaver in this mostly-vegetarian household).
But if this does mean the slow, rambling, brain-eating onset of the slow, rambling, brain-eating undead, then I shall begin preparing. And I will start by order a good seven-dozen cans of this fantastic product.
In fact, I'm somewhat tempted to crack open a few cans of Tactical Canned Bacon well before the actual commencement of the zombiepocalypse. I mean, who doesn't want to eat 18 serves of preserved crispy bacon from a can? Even The Wah concedes once the undead hordes arrive, his vegetarian lifestyle is out the window. Perhaps I can tempt him with Tac Bac and eggs? Tac Bac with tomato & fusilli pasta? A Tac Bac double cheeseburger?