Sunday. I was feeling a little bad about not doing any hands-on volunteering for the flood clean-up, so I decided to bake cupcakes. It was a fun process; interrupted only by the surprise shattering of a glass tumbler that The Wah had been retrieving from an overhead cupboard.
Once cooled and iced, I asked a buddy on Twitter who'd been out and about where I could deliver some of these (reasonably) delicious treats without getting in the way.
He tipped me off that the lovely Janet Leach, purveyor of exquisite designer goods through Artery Store, had seen her lovely old Queenslander inundated. While a mass clean-up effort had rid the street of most of the mud and muck the river had deposited, she remained without power.
I packed up about ten cupcakes, along with some oranges, bananas and a bottle of wine, and headed down to West End. Janet said she was delighted to receive my little care package, and I was very pleased.
Monday. I got home from work and The Wah said "Your attempt to kill me failed, by the way."
"I was beginning to eat one of your cupcakes and I found a large piece of glass in it."
"Oh yes. It was lucky I didn't bite down on it."
It turns out we hadn't quite cleaned up all of the broken glass.
"But... but I gave Janet those cupcakes. And she was going to save them for.... her children!"
I could see the headlines.
JOURNALIST KILLS INNOCENT CHILD FLOOD VICTIM: CLAIMS SHE WAS HELPING
GLASS HALF-FULL? MORE LIKE CUPCAKES HALF-FULL OF GLASS
IS THIS WOMAN WORSE THAN HITLER? YES, SAYS EVERYONE
Aghast, I desperately messaged Janet, telling her oh my god Greg found glass in one of the cupcakes because a glass broke when I was baking and I thought it had all gone on the floor and oh my god please check them or better yet throw them away just throw them I'll make you some more oh please god don't let me have killed your children.
Janet got back to me, saying the kids had in fact eaten a cupcake each for afternoon tea - OH DEAR GOD - but were fine. She also said she'd throw the rest away, just in case.
The Wah now refers to them as my Murder Cakes.
I'd say the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but in my case, it seems the road to hell is paved with POTENTIALLY DEADLY SHARDS OF GLASS.
I have this fellow who has been giving me a hard time. Could you bake him a batch of your "special" cupcakes?ReplyDelete
O no! Still, baking effort = win. I'm QA'ing community recovery grants and I'm way too busy to make even a sandwhich.ReplyDelete
Suddenly 'Girl Clumsy' as a nickname comes into horribly sharp focus...ReplyDelete
Aha. This does explain why she blanched and fainted when I went round there next day with muffins and a quiche.ReplyDelete
The Wah offered me one the other day after explaining what they were potentially contaminated with. There was a certain sense that if I chickened out of trying one that I was some sort of 'glass hating' sook.ReplyDelete
Don't worry...I won't tell anyone here about your mishap.ReplyDelete
The title made me think that Nick Cave was putting out a cookbook.ReplyDelete
I would buy the Nick Cave cookbook.ReplyDelete
I tend to throw whatever I'm cooking out when i break glass close to it.... glad I do now!ReplyDelete
Glad that your news paper headline didn't need to be used....
@ashmoore - Brilliant!ReplyDelete
A Cookbook with such tasty recipes as
Swede of Joy
The Bisque of Millhaven
and for dessert the always popular PJ Harvey/Nick Cave co-created cake - Sara Lee
Janet visited here yesterday and while they were exiting the bath tub after their swim, her kids learned a new phrase from Aunty Q.ReplyDelete
'Have you dried between your toes and your bum crack?'
apparently it's not a phrase they're used to.
Thus assuring that they'll be standing in the naughty corner for much of their first week at school, while the class chants 'Bum crack, bum crack, bum crack' until the teacher hurls chalk and dusters at them.
You may have failed to kill them, but I've set them firmly on the path to delinquency.
Oh and we're trying to organize lunch with Mayhem, I think it's the first weekend of Feb, Sunday, Ahmet's, Oxford St Bulimba. Pop into Morgana's blog if you're up for it. We can exchange cooking and child training tips.
It seems so interesting.ReplyDelete
Ah! That's too funny and too sad all at the same time!ReplyDelete
Hilarious! Remind me not to ask for your recipe. :)ReplyDelete
Cupcakes with tumbler frosting, it new and different!ReplyDelete
If you used candy glass it would be much saferReplyDelete
oh nooo! killer cupcakes!ReplyDelete
Ii love your blog :)
great work.i feel like it.ReplyDelete
Brilliant. Reading that has made my afternoon!ReplyDelete
LOL that gives a whole new meaning to #Bakedrelief. You are so very funny and I'm so glad Janet's children didn't have their tongues shredded.ReplyDelete
This is a sort of blog we can have loads of information i would like to appreciate the intelligence of this blog’s ownerReplyDelete
Your comments are just as entertaining as your post. Love your work, but not your cupcakes.ReplyDelete