Perhaps it's because I've been using my creative brain power to write readable reviews for the Brisbane Comedy Festival. Perhaps it's simply because I haven't had enough sleep.
Anyway, my initial thought was to have a bit of a self-indulgent rant about how shit I am as a writer. But having a rant about something that I do that isn't 100% perfect is a bad habit that I'm trying to break.
It's time instead for positivity. It's time instead for action.
It's time instead to punch "How to Write a Blog Post" into Google.
The resulting find was this post by Problogger.
Now the Problogger website seems to prove my theory that while you CAN make money from your blog, the only real way to do that is by blogging about how you can make money from your blog.
I've had a few emails approaching me about cross-promotion ("sponsorship" doesn't really cut it). My favourite was the start-up humourous t-shirt company that wanted me to post about their hilarious slogan tees, but had the caveat that if I didn't actually like them, to NOT POST ANYTHING AT ALL. Seriously, they capitalised that. Obviously weren't all that confident in the postmodern ironic statements adorning their retro ringspun cotton garments.
But I've yet to attract any actual, sweet corporate coin - and maybe there's a reason. Maybe I am just not a good enough blogger.
So OK, let's do this. Let's follow Problogger's tips, and see if I can indeed
1. Choosing a Topic
Oh, FFS. I'm boned already. Topic? Isn't that what you're supposed to be telling me, Problogger? Apparently I need to take some time to really select a good topic. OK, let's go with... er... bees? Yeah, let's do bees.
|Girl Clumsy says "Bee Yourself!"|
2. Crafting Your Post's Title
Oh, well I've already done that. Efficiency - tick!
3. The Opening Line
Because first impressions matter. Except I've already done this too. To go back would be cheating. OK, how about we all pretend to ignore what came before, and I'll write a new opening line. Ooh, what about a pun?
"Bees are the new black (and yellow)!"
4. Your "point/s" (making your posts matter)
Hmm, this has been a lacking theme of my blogging. I don't think I've ever made a point/s, ever. How can I make a point/s now, so quickly, without any training? But damnit, I'll make this work. Ah-ha! More puns!
"Deploying its sting is fatal to a bee. You could say that to use it, they must REALLY want to MAKE A POINT".
5. Call to action
According to Problogger, I have to drive you to do something, so that I form a deeper connection with you. So how can we form a deeper connection over bees?
Oh, wait! There's been a local issue in far north Queensland about Asian honeybees taking over from local populations and threatening business and the environment.
Maybe I could stage a rally, and demand you all come along, and we could all hold aloft signs saying "Keep the Asians Out!" It'll be great. We'll form a deeper connection! It could have a slightly racist overtone, but hey, what price blogging success?
6. Adding Depth
Problogger suggests that before I publish, I figure out how I can add "depth" to the post, to ensure it is useful for readers.
So I guess that means I should include a link to the Wikipedia entry on bees. You're welcome!
7. Quality Control
Errors are bad. Trust me when I say I've gone through this ENTIRE post with a fine-teeth comb and their are no mistakks.
8. Timing of Publishing
Half past twelve on a Friday morning is good, right? Everybody else is an incorrigible nightowl like me, yeah?
9. Post Promotion
Apparently I need to give my post strategic "nudges" via social networks, to drag in readers. Now this I can do.
Looks like I forgot to put the website link on the Facebook status. Oh well, won't be the first time my manic updates have confused and angered people. At least they'll know that I'm really knowledgable about bees now.
Problogger says the best stuff often comes after you've posted, when the chit-chat can begin in the comments section. Personally I think that's a bit unfair. I mean, here I am, slogging it out, writing the best possible blog post, and you guys are going to take all the credit? Psshaw.
Well, go on then. CONVERSE.
Let's create a buzz.*
*Ouch, sorry about that.