The Australian Christian Lobby cops a fair bit of flack from you left-wing, latte-sipping, climate-change-believing, greenie hippie types.
I mean, here they are, just pointing out some home truths like how Australia's becoming all Islamic and gay and stuff, and you internet blogging trendies just tsk-tsk over your Chateau de Rouge Plonk then go weep over a Cate Blanchett film.
I mean, it's enough to make decent, ordinary Australians want to pack up and move somewhere where there are just lots of rich white people who think like me.
Now the ACL has done something positive to PROTECT THE CHILDREN, and do they get a thank-you? No!
For those of you not aware, some Communist-sympathising insurgency group called the Queensland Association for Healthy Communities paid for a "safe sex" advertising campaign. It featured - gasp - two men, in a state of abnormal, freakish, deviant entanglement.
Sensitive eyes, beware:
Now, these men are... hommo-sexs-yewel.
In a media release, Australian Christian Lobby mouth(piece) Wendy Francis says these two men are "in an act of foreplay".
She's really hit the nail on the head there, hasn't she?
Such relaxed affection. Such affable intimacy.
IT'S UNHOLY.
Wendy should be congratulated, not criticised, for kicking up a stink and demanding distributor Adshel remove the offending posters from bus shelters around Brisbane.
Bus shelters aren't for promoting demonic lifestyle choices in close proximity to children. They're for waiting in, and for good, old-fashioned drunk bogan public urination.
And the thing that really gets me is that the do-gooders at the QAHC could stand to take a few lessons from the Bible if they are indeed serious about preventing irresponsible male-on-male "nuzzling":
Amen.
May 31, 2011
It's Not On
Clumsy Categories:
comedy gold,
news,
old and angry,
pop culture,
religion
Stumbling about in:
Briz Vegas
May 26, 2011
Gripping
Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce you to the new "hands-on" extreme sport.
It's dynamic, it's challenging, it's going to be the next worldwide-smash-hit-internet meme.
GRIPPING.
That's right. GRIPPING.
All the cool kids are doing it. Well, to be honest, it's just me at the moment. But my Dad thinks I'm cool - or at least, that's what he tells cab drivers.
There are three simple rules of GRIPPING.
1). You MUST grip with both hands. This sorts out the men grippers from the boy grippers. You can't just hold onto a lamp post and take a photo of yourself with your other hand. Oh no, sir, that would be TOO easy. You've got to grip in pairs - or preferably wrangle a stranger into taking your picture.
2) You MUST adopt an intense look of concentration as you grip.
3) You MUST grip inanimate objects - no people or animals (unless they're fake animals, like Banana the Bullock, pictured above). And don't bother trying to convince your Mum to take a photo of yourself mid personal grope. It's not just a little perverted; it's also against the rules.
Apart from that - the world is yours to grip.
Here are some shots of me gripping on the replica ship Endeavour, while it was berthed in Gladstone last weekend.
Now, good readers - I need you to join in! Let's see some photos over at Twitter - use the hashtag #gripping. Let's get this spreading faster than Arnold Schwarznegger's seed!
It's dynamic, it's challenging, it's going to be the next worldwide-smash-hit-internet meme.
GRIPPING.
That's right. GRIPPING.
All the cool kids are doing it. Well, to be honest, it's just me at the moment. But my Dad thinks I'm cool - or at least, that's what he tells cab drivers.
![]() |
Totally cool. |
There are three simple rules of GRIPPING.
1). You MUST grip with both hands. This sorts out the men grippers from the boy grippers. You can't just hold onto a lamp post and take a photo of yourself with your other hand. Oh no, sir, that would be TOO easy. You've got to grip in pairs - or preferably wrangle a stranger into taking your picture.
2) You MUST adopt an intense look of concentration as you grip.
3) You MUST grip inanimate objects - no people or animals (unless they're fake animals, like Banana the Bullock, pictured above). And don't bother trying to convince your Mum to take a photo of yourself mid personal grope. It's not just a little perverted; it's also against the rules.
Apart from that - the world is yours to grip.
Here are some shots of me gripping on the replica ship Endeavour, while it was berthed in Gladstone last weekend.
Anchors away, grippers! |
An appropriate tribute to Captain Cook. |
Now, good readers - I need you to join in! Let's see some photos over at Twitter - use the hashtag #gripping. Let's get this spreading faster than Arnold Schwarznegger's seed!
Clumsy Categories:
comedy gold,
freakin' geeky,
net savvy,
pop culture,
that's sporting
Stumbling about in:
Briz Vegas
May 24, 2011
The Tobacconist Extraordinaire
Sol Levy is a Legitimate Businessman, and he is Angry.
Or at least, that's the picture of Sol Levy that forms in my head, as I stand outside his shop, in a ratty part of George Street, Sydney.
Or at least, that's the picture of Sol Levy that forms in my head, as I stand outside his shop, in a ratty part of George Street, Sydney.
SOL LEVY: TOBACCONIST EXTRAORDINAIRE.
Clumsy Categories:
past times,
pop culture,
travels,
writing
Stumbling about in:
Briz Vegas
May 15, 2011
Back in the Saddle
Last week I went for a horseride.
Two hours in the Kurwongbah bush atop a mighty bay mare named Diva.
Two hours in the Kurwongbah bush atop a mighty bay mare named Diva.
Clumsy Categories:
clumsy,
fun,
natural world,
talk to the animals,
that's sporting
Stumbling about in:
Briz Vegas
May 10, 2011
Girl Clumsy: Radio Babe?
Would you believe...
... the whole story of how this came about is too hilarious for words.
But words is all I got.
... the whole story of how this came about is too hilarious for words.
But words is all I got.
Stumbling about in:
Briz Vegas
May 7, 2011
Sorry
As I made my favourite ham and salad wraps for lunch today, I absent-mindedly popped the baby spinach leaves on top of the ham first, instead of leaving them until last, as per my usual method.
"Oh, I'm sorry!" I exclaimed.
As I moved the salad leaves to one side to insert the cheese and olives, I realised what I had just done.
I APOLOGISED....TO A SANDWICH.
"Oh, I'm sorry!" I exclaimed.
As I moved the salad leaves to one side to insert the cheese and olives, I realised what I had just done.
I APOLOGISED....TO A SANDWICH.
Clumsy Categories:
balls ups,
clumsy,
general confusion,
lessons learned,
writing
Stumbling about in:
Briz Vegas
May 3, 2011
The People's Choice?
Last month I entered myself into a competition run by the Sydney Writers Centre - for the Best Australian Blogs.
As I subsequently found out, so too did every other Australian blogger - and sadly, I didn't make the shortlist for any of their specific categories. I assume this is because the penwork of a chronically insecure, attention-seeking journalist with a fondness for theatrics and an almost unhealthy obsession with the song "Africa" by Toto doesn't really fall into the categories of Lifestyle, Business, Commentary or Writing.
But no matter. I'm still in the running for the People's Choice award. Mind you, so are about 500 other people, all of them worthy. I guess that means I'll have to take down these worthy, talented writers with the gutter tactic of tacky self-pimping.
So! If you like dropping by Girl Clumsy Dot Com, and you are in possession of a finger that can initiate mouse clicks with a minimum of physical exertion, then I urge you to vote in the People's Choice section. They're listed in alphabetical order, so I'm about four pages in under "T" for "The Bruising Adventures of Girl Clumsy".
As I subsequently found out, so too did every other Australian blogger - and sadly, I didn't make the shortlist for any of their specific categories. I assume this is because the penwork of a chronically insecure, attention-seeking journalist with a fondness for theatrics and an almost unhealthy obsession with the song "Africa" by Toto doesn't really fall into the categories of Lifestyle, Business, Commentary or Writing.
But no matter. I'm still in the running for the People's Choice award. Mind you, so are about 500 other people, all of them worthy. I guess that means I'll have to take down these worthy, talented writers with the gutter tactic of tacky self-pimping.
So! If you like dropping by Girl Clumsy Dot Com, and you are in possession of a finger that can initiate mouse clicks with a minimum of physical exertion, then I urge you to vote in the People's Choice section. They're listed in alphabetical order, so I'm about four pages in under "T" for "The Bruising Adventures of Girl Clumsy".
![]() |
Photo courtesy of Kris Anderson |
I will also take this opportunity to remind you about Prognosis: Death! Delirium, opening this Thursday 5 May at the Brisbane Arts Theatre. This is ImproMafia's flagship show - a spontaneously created sci-fi schlock medical comedy soap opera, each and every night!
You can book tickets online now - it's just $15 per show, or $10 concession. You can also save heaps with our special Season Pass - you get to see ALL SIX SHOWS for just $50 adults, or $35 concession. If you see four or more shows, it's incredibly worth it. And you'll want to see four or more shows. Because we're awesome.
My character, Nurse Lottie Buble, has had a tumultous few years at St Love Hospital. At the end of last season, she finally tied the knot with her on-again, off-again beau Dr Burton Mangold - only to have her first husband, 25 star General Thaddeus King, storm in and punch out her groom!
So now, bigamously married and with a very pooty Dr Mangold to contend with, it's going to be another rocky road of romance for Nurse Buble.
All your other favourites will be back too - Dr Melody Carmichael and her "pigeon" Dr Ludwig LeStrange, Medical Superintendent Harold Dean, and hospital psychologist Professor Helmut Von Lickenspiel. But that's not all... there'll be some new faces and maybe even some old ones. If you're in Brisbane - please come along! I'd love to meet readers of this blog - particularly if you vote for it in the People's Choice awards.
See, told you I was tacky.
Stumbling about in:
Briz Vegas
May 1, 2011
Clumsy Playlist #2
I must apologise for taking longer than I'd planned to do this. Real-life has kicked it up a notch, and I'm now in full swing getting ready for Prognosis: Death! Delirium, opening this Thursday 5 May at the Brisbane Arts Theatre. There are set pieces to be built, costumes to be organised, fake blood to be cooked up, and promotions to be done. So consider this promotion - come to Prognosis: Death! Delirium, you incredibly sexy people of the internet.
In the meantime, more song reviews, in 140 characters or less.
In the meantime, more song reviews, in 140 characters or less.
Clumsy Categories:
help,
music,
pop culture
Stumbling about in:
Briz Vegas
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