If I were to show you this picture, of two cosmetic items I have in my bathroom....
And this, a close-up, just so you can really see the labels....
And, given that said products are the same size, with the same packaging...and given that my nickname is Girl Clumsy.... what do you think would happen to me?
Hands up if you said "Oh, she's gone and sprayed herself in the face with deodorant, hasn't she?"
You're all wrong.
I have, in fact, NOT confused these two items at all.
Every day I use these products. Every day I wait to screw it up, and spray myself in the face with all-natural deodorant.
For over two weeks, I have been WAITING for the inevitable to happen. At first it was a "Hmm, better be careful about that". Then it became "Well, if it has to happen, at least I have blog fodder". That's right - I started thinking about having a clumsy incident purely so I could fill cyberspace with more quasi-amusing tales of my general ineptitude.
BUT IT HASN'T HAPPENED.
The toner has been used on the face; the deodorant on the underarms.
I almost thought about lying, and writing "gosh-can-you-believe-it-I-really-am-such-a-clumsy-duffer", in order to elicit your sympathetic chuckles.
But I am a terrible liar, and I realise that they would be chuckles elicited under false pretences.
So I will get no chuckles today. I have failed you, dear readers. I have failed you by NOT f***ing this one up yet.
I have somehow subliminally undermined both my own innate clumsiness AND the attention-seeking slice of my pre-frontal cortex that would cash in on that innate clumsiness for internet glory.
And frankly, I'm scared.
IS THIS THE END OF CLUMSY?
Given I tripped over my own feet twice today, chances are not, but still.
WHY HAVE I NOT SPRAYED MYSELF IN THE FACE WITH DEODORANT YET?