Oct 7, 2011

It's Cocktober! Celebrate by naming a Penis.

So here's another reason for my parents to be amazingly proud of me.

My next production, How to Be a Man, contains not only dick jokes, but actual dicks!

And I'm not talking about the cast members (boom-tish).

I'm talking about the two full-size penis costumes I need - for artistic purposes, obviously.

My favourite part is the button that says "Click to Enlarge".

As a fun way of raising awareness - and cash! - I'm going to auction off the naming rights to our super schlongs.

That's right readers - this is your chance to be a part of Brisbane theatre history.

The winning bidders will receive:

  • The right to name a penis (a one word name only, but it can be anything you like). The name will be stitched onto the front of the giant willy, and will remain there for the run of the show.
  • A mention in the program.
  • A double pass to the opening night of How to Be a Man on Saturday 12 November (transferable to another night if you are unable to attend opening). You'll also get a backstage tour of the set.
  • A merchandise pack including an official How To Be a Man t-shirt and stubby cooler.
  • A photograph of you with your personalised penis.

There are TWO of these packs up for grabs via secret auction.

The minimum bid is $30 - to place your bid, please email natalie @ girl clumsy dot com with your name, a contact phone number, and what you'd be prepared to stump up to give a John Thomas your own John Hancock.

I'm going to update the bidding amounts in the comments section, so you can see what's being pledged, and whether you want to beat it!

The competition will remain open until 5pm Friday 14 October. The winning bidders will be contacted by phone. The winning amounts will be able to be paid via cheque to the Brisbane Arts Theatre or by direct bank deposit.

Please note - if funds raised exceed the cost of the penis costumes, fantastic! The extra dosh will be funnelled into other production expenses for How To Be A Man. The Brisbane Arts Theatre receives no government or corporate sponsorship, so you know your dollars are going straight to a community organisation that needs them.


  1. First emailed bid is in - $30!

    Thank you!

  2. OK - so I also have a $100 bid on a penis from infamous tweeter @Can_Do_Campbell.

    So I will keep a count on the bids like so:

    PENIS 1 Highest bid - $100

    PENIS 2 Highest bid - $30.

    Keep sending in your offers, the bids will change as the pledges come in!

    Cheers, Natalie.

  3. New bids!

    PENIS 1 $100

    PENIS 2 $50

    Quickly, help us get it up even more!

    Oh, I said "get it up"!

  4. Lucky that Cocktober isn't pushed up against Vajanuary.

  5. but Dan, Knobvember and Dickcember are right up there though

  6. just a thought on a name , malice falice ?? if there is a comedy camp evil cock in the play ,

  7. Another bid is in!

    PENIS 1 - $100

    PENIS 2 - $60

    Get your bids in to natalie @ girlclumsy dot com (obviously substituting appropriate symbols).

  8. One could save a lot of expense on costumes by just casting lean tall men, shaved down with a mouth full of custard....

  9. This, is the greatest thing in the history of the australian theatre.


  10. Another bid!

    PENIS 1 - $100

    PENIS 2 - $65

    Bring in on, ladies and gentlemen!

  11. Just sent my bid. Hope that you take Seppo dollars.


  12. YAY for the RHINO!

    Thanks so much - we now have our penises neck and neck!

    (Hur, hur, hur!)

    So now:

    PENIS 1: $100

    PENIS 2: $100 (although that *IS* American dollars, so maybe $96 Australian?).

  13. I'll convert to Aussie dollars and send a cashier's check or if we can do electronic transfer ii will round up my bid to the equivalent Aussie dollar.

    So there.


    I've just got another bid through, so:

    PENIS 1 - $110

    PENIS 2 - $100

    Bidding closes at 5pm today!