Raven On: Game of Thrones S2E8 Recap

Can you believe there are only two more episodes of Game of Thrones left? I'm becoming a bit despondent about the impending end of Series 2. I'm not quite sure what else there is in life to look forward to, if it's not the wholesale slaughter of characters I've come to know and love like a dysfunctional bunch of hedonistic psychopaths.

Don't forget to catch up on Episode 7 before grabbing your goldcloak, don your mask of bone and strapping in for another installment of Raven On!

Of course, reading onwards entails the brain-bursting discovery of MASSIVE SPOILERS.

Episode 8: Release the C-Bombs!

I'm fairly certain this week's episode contained more c***s than ever before - and they swore a lot too. Boom tish, thank you, thank you, try the veal. Cersei and Tyrion dished a few out, but the winner was definitely Yara, telling off her brother Theon in the Great Hall of Winterfell. I wish I could come up with an equally devastating insult to that colon-swabbing plop-bucket Theon, but I fear Yara took the cake with her own brand of salty repartee.

This was another episode of waiting for the attack on King's Landing/the clash between the northern host and the Lannister army, but still lovely moments and character development. It's all limbs a-flailing for the Starks: Cat give Jaime a leg up to escape; Arya legs it out of Harrenhal; Bran gets his broken legs back in the basement of Winterfell; and Robb gets a leg over the Lady Talisa.

But let's start with the most DELICIOUSLY EVIL scene of the show - Cersei's confrontation with Tyrion over his "little whore". OH MAN. Again, I hate to brag, but I knew from the start that it would be Ros, not Shae, who'd been captured. As much as she's intent on revenge for Myrcella's removal and Joffrey's impending date with combat, it was simply not possible to have Cersei do over her brother that easily. Well, do over Tyrion that easily at any rate. 

"You're a c***."

HOW GOOD was Tyrion's reaction and handling of the situation? He revealed nothing, kept any bubbling emotion locked away. He would be devastatingly good at Tarth Hold 'Em. And his Statement of Doom to Cersei after comforting the shocked Ros was epic.

"Yes, my dear sister, but I think you'll find
you're the one who's completely f***ed."

Initially I thought Tyrion may have set something up, but his panicked return to his room to find Shae and his pleas with her to be more careful proved Cersei had caught him out on that one. They had a really touching moment together, even if it did prove Cersei right that his "little worm" ("It's not that little") does some of his thinking for him.

Someone else who was doing a *teensy* bit of thinking with the downstairs department was Jon Snow. Still up in the wilds beyond the wall, his kindness (horniness?) towards Ygritte turned out to be deadly for a bunch of his fellow Night's Watchmen. "They died because of me?" he asks the captured Quoren. "Make sure it was worthwhile," he replies. The pair of them get roped up and hauled off, presumably to finally meet Mance Rayder.

Meanwhile Sam & co are still on the Fist of the First Men, slaving away shovelling snow, only to find the leftover pack of a Ranger, including shard of obsidian, or "dragonglass". Who left it? My punt is on the still-missing Benjen Stark.

Having been turned loose by Catelyn in a desperate effort to get Sansa and Arya back, Jaime tries to niggle Brienne, who's been sent to deliver him back to King's Landing. I hope she tips him out of the canoe a few times along the way. Meanwhile Catelyn's incurred the wrath of not only her son, but Lord Karstark, and that bloke has a beard you could lose a shadowcat in.

"This is just my summer beard, and winter is coming."

Danerys and her enormous eyebrows are just wondering about in Qarth moaning again about her missing dragons, while Jorah acts all lovetorn and protective. This scene to me felt like it was inserted just to remind you that she's still around and determined and whatnot. Frankly I would've liked to see something of Xaro and the warlocks in their new roles in charge of the Greatest City That Ever Was.

Tywin Lannister is still f***ing awesome. That's what I love about this show; complete bastards who you believe need to die horribly still gain your unswerving respect.

Yay! (Best Moments)

I've seen a bit of disdain for the Robb/Talisa love story on other reviews/recaps - but I don't mind it. There was a great moment when she asked him how he was, only to receive a complete list of all the f***ked things that have happened to him, up to and including having to arrest his own mother for treason. Being King in the North sure isn't a Walk in the Park. But still, after Talisa's lengthy explanation of her journey to becoming a healer, they finally got to strip down to everything but their boots Who knew a childhood near-death experience could be such a turn-on? Of course, it raises a problem for Robb, in that he's supposed to marry one of Lord Walder Frey's daughters in return for safe travel across the Twins, but I guess he'll CROSS THAT BRIDGE WHEN HE COMES TO IT. (Do you see what I did there?).

Stannis' explanation to Davos, the "Onion Knight" about why he's pursuing the Iron Throne actually made the last Baratheon brother a bit more sympathetic. There the guy was, eating horses and cats to hold Storm's End during the Rebellion, then Robert ups and gives it to Renly. He gave it up, no questions asked, did his duty - no wonder he's pissed off. And wouldn't Davos be a GREAT hand! He's a dude.

Zing (Best Lines)

"Why are all the gods such vicious c***s? Where are the gods of tits and wine?" Tyrion nails it, yet again, while "playing the game" with Varys (a welcome return after a few eps absence).

Bronn: "Me and the lads rounded up all the known thieves."
Tyrion: "For questioning?"
Bronn: "No."
Tyrion: "We've talked about this."
Bronn: "It's just the unknown thieves we have to worry about now."
Bronn remains a DUDE. And judging by his description of life under siege - anyone else reckon he may have been in Storm's End back in Stannis' day?!?

Eww, gross (a skin-crawl moment)

Creepy Rapey Guy takes the bacon yet again. Clever Arya did what I wondered about a few weeks' back - gave Jaccin his own name as the third person he would kill for her. "The girl has no honour," he says, only for Arya to shrug. Honour killed her father, what use is it, really? Much more useful to blackmail a killer to help her escape. The sight of those guards hanging dead on the Harrenhal walls as Arya, Gendry and that little fat kid left was delightfully goose-bumpy.

Boo, sucks

No Sansa! I assume she's done what we all did at some stage when we were teenage girls - use the old "But I've got my period!" excuse to get out of Phys Ed. Or in her case, having to see smug Joffrey's smug face smug prick. Ear to ear grin, my arse. Go stick a knife in your eye. I know Arya is the easy-to-pick Stark sister of choice, but damnit if I don't cheerlead big time for Sansa.

Next week! Tywin's on the overnight march to meet Robb; Stannis' wind should set him ashore at the Mud Gate; and something's going to happen north of the wall. George R.R. Martin has written Episode 9, so LET'S SEE SOME CLASHING SKULLS! And please don't let Robb's moment of pleasure mean he's marked for death now... please....