May 15, 2013

Chez Clumsy: The Search for Nazi Gold

You expect, when you renovate, to make a few little discoveries here and there.
For example, it turns out our kitchen water pipes all run from the ceiling down, not the floor up. This means rejigging a few things, but it's one of those small hurdles that are simply a part of the renovating experience.
What we did not expect to discover, on a sneaky Tuesday evening reconnoissance, was this:

"Is that.... is that a swastika?" I heard The Wah say as I was checking out the space where the kitchen used to be. I spun around and stared at the ground.
"Ah... that's ... that's a swastika!" I confirmed. Then shock. "What is a swastika doing in my house?!?!"
But there was no denying, there was a swastika in the house.
Painted on the concrete, then tiled over.
For six years, The Wah and I - and all of our friends and family members - have been walking upon the world's most infamous insignia.
Our urbane, sophisticated inner-city unit had all over a sudden become an Anti-Semitic hate den, or perhaps a repository for hidden Nazi gold.

Of course it begs the question: WTF? Who PAINTS A SWASTIKA ON A FLOOR?
We know our apartment building used to be an office building before it was converted into flats in the early 2000s. We don't know who did the conversion - but we think they, or their sub-contractors, might have had at best a terrible sense of humour, and at worst, DIY tattoos and a dire need for therapy.
The problem is of course - how do we get rid of it? Sure, we'll be re-tiling, but if we don't destroy the swastika underneath, we will forever know it is there, lurking, like a Gestapo officer in a ghetto. We will be compelled to blurt out to anyone unfortunate enough to walk over that spot "DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE WALKING OVER A GODDAMNED SWASTIKA?" and then people will start questioning whether we're obsessing a bit too much about the swastika, and they might think perhaps that we sympathise or share those views, and the next thing you know A Current Affair will be bringing in a hidden camera and we'll end up on hate crime charges and that Girl Clumsy and The Wah always seemed so nice, but then it's always the nice ones who turn out to be rotten fascists...
NO! Like Churchill, I will not surrender.
We need ideas. I'm not a big believer in negative energies and whatnot, but I am a big believer in not having a f***ing swastika under your tiles. So what image should we paint or scribble over the top?


  1. I think you could easily convert it into a Keith Haring-inspired image.

  2. Could turn it into a floor-wide game of Boxes, favourite free-period time suck of year 12 students everywhere

  3. It could be marking the site of a Buddhist temple.

  4. Dan, that sounds an awful lot like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

  5. Continue the edges and make it a Windows symbol. Then you will feel mildly frustrated instead of evil.

  6. You could draw a beak and some eyes on it and turn it into an eagle!

  7. Can't find I was looking for - this was discussed at length by a bunch of people with nothing better to do at the time but who know about this stuff, but can't find it now.

    As I remember before painting over it, you would do well to remove as much as you can - concrete cleaner &/or sanding it off. Google will be your friend here and maybe if you can find someone with a clue at Bunnings.

    If you paint over it without removing as much as you can, the differential lightening will still highlight the pattern next time it is uncovered.

  8. How incredibly sinister. I'd paint a lovely big flower over the top of it. That'll show them Nazis!

  9. "I'm not a big believer in negative energies and whatnot, but I am a big believer in not having a f***ing swastika under your tiles." awesome sentence. made me laugh and blow coffee through my nose.

    I like the idea of the windows symbol. Is it some sort of summoning circle, do Nazis appear in it if you say something in German.

    how about a tile mosaic, something is a Gustav Klimt style.

  10. They do say that Napalm is a good paint remover. After all, look what it can do to flesh... And apparently it's smell in the morning is lovable
    The Ancient Man

  11. Pretend it's a Dan Brown Symbol and charge tourists to look ?


  12. Just where is Mr Squiggle when you really need him!