There's a lot of people who I really like but haven't seen in ages. These people number many and varied. Most are theatre and impro related people who I don't tend to see if a show's not on. Others are theatre and impro related people who haven't invited me to their shows etc. Ouch! Not touching that one! ;)
Anyway, this brings me to my question...does my absence from these people's presence mean they're friends of mine I've neglected, or am I their friend they've neglected, or is it in fact a bit of both? Who neglects who?
If I send out an email inviting people someplace, and they don't come, should the onus be on them to send me an email and invite me somewhere, in order that the catch up happens - sometime, somewhere? Or should I just take it as a straight no, and try again later?
This is all very confusing to someone who's maybe just happened upon this site. But there's just a lot of deep-rooted desires in me to be extremely popular. I don't like having to chase people all the time. There's a lot of people who I now think don't mind me, but certainly wouldn't be fussed to ring me and make sure I'm involved etc. It's hard to realise that fact sometimes when you previously thought you were thick as thieves.
I came up with this analogy back when I was in high school (ah! so young but so wise), that there are two types of people - those who hold seats on the bus for other people, and those who get on and someone's held a seat for them. I always believed I was a seat holder. Sometimes I think I still am. I sometimes think how nice it would be if person X gave me a call, or person Y sent me an email, or person Z included me in some outing they were having. Dammit, I want someone to hold the seats for me! ;)
I think the problem is reading too many Live Journals. Everyone with a live journal seems to have a really fun, exciting life, with many online friends who all take the time to write cute comments and organise drinks and parties and shopping trips. I have a blog, and so no one reads it. I don't have a "Friends" list. Which I guess is good because it means no one will read this and get offended.
As an end comment, I think there are certain people in the world who really hate my guts. And you know what? I really don't like that. I don't like the fact that my name might come up in conversation and people might recoil or air complaints about me. I also don't like the fact that probably NOBODY is talking or bitching about me. What is it that Oscar Wilde said? "Pop on the pink ones, Bosie, I love the way they make your ass look".....no, that wasn't it.
Something about being talked about is awful, but NOT being talked about is far worse.
Good ol' Oscar.
Anyhoo, maybe I need to forget all the people I thought were great friends, but who are really just good acquaintances. So I hereby advertise for new, extra friends! Or for current ones to email me and ask what the f***'s happening, man?
Also, I need to get off my arse and get the show going. The show will be soooo goooood...once we have a proper idea, a venue, a budget...but you know, first things first!
Nats. (full of madness!)