When Greg and I go to the supermarket, and we split up to get different things, he never has any fears of losing me in the mass of shoppers. Even when we were overseas, and he didn't have a mobile phone with which to contact me, he knew where I would be. Even though the 24-hour Tesco stores I like to frequent while Blighty-side are massive, Greg never worried about wasting time. He'd just grab what he needed then turn up in the make-up and hair section. I'd either already be there, or be there within minutes.
You see, there's something about the cosmetics/hair/beauty aisle that always turns my brain to jelly. I can stand there for minutes upon minutes, just picking products up, reading their descriptions, checking the prices, comparing them to others - I can repeat this process without end. If it wasn't for the fact I have to work, and sleep, and the stores eventually close, I probably could stay there forever.
I thought this condition affected solely me, and that every other woman was capable of making a speedy but confident decision in purchasing their cosmetics/beauty needs. But today I popped into Priceline in the city, looking for something I can't quite remember. For those of you (ie, men) who have never experienced the joy of Priceline, it's like a cosmetics aisle, but expanded into a whole store. There I was, wandering aimlessly through the place - the original purpose of my mission long forgotten as I was distracted by the Palmer's body butter, the Marc Daniels hair wax tubs (six different varieties that all seem to do the same thing!) and the SugarBaby reduced-to-clear lip glosses - when I realised that every other woman in the place seemed to be suffering the same affliction. They all had the same glassy-eyed stare, the same languid arm movements as they reach out to grab yet another product that could bring them instant great skin/good hair/skinny thighs.
I think there are so many beauty products, it leaves us all overwhelmed. There are so many questions. Do I want high gloss or matt finish on my lipstick? Do I want olive body butter or shea body butter? Scented or unscented? Day cream or night cream? Anti-ageing or anti-blemish? Mascara that Long-lasting or quick-dry nail polish? Gradual tan or spray-on? Define curls or straighten locks? Wax, paste, putty, gel, spray, or mousse?
Do you realise there are more brands of fake glue-on nails than there are brands of paracetamol?
I love choice, and I'm glad I live in a society where I have dozens, if not hundreds of products at my fingertips. But when it comes to cosmetics - boy do I get confused. I'm just happy to see I'm not the only one. Perhaps I should start a support group for the terminally dermatologically confused. Don't worry girls - we can get through this together, and finally make a cosmetic/makeup/hair/beauty choice we're happy with, within a reasonable amount of time!