Mar 15, 2007

Losing time in Priceline

When Greg and I go to the supermarket, and we split up to get different things, he never has any fears of losing me in the mass of shoppers. Even when we were overseas, and he didn't have a mobile phone with which to contact me, he knew where I would be. Even though the 24-hour Tesco stores I like to frequent while Blighty-side are massive, Greg never worried about wasting time. He'd just grab what he needed then turn up in the make-up and hair section. I'd either already be there, or be there within minutes.

You see, there's something about the cosmetics/hair/beauty aisle that always turns my brain to jelly. I can stand there for minutes upon minutes, just picking products up, reading their descriptions, checking the prices, comparing them to others - I can repeat this process without end. If it wasn't for the fact I have to work, and sleep, and the stores eventually close, I probably could stay there forever.

I thought this condition affected solely me, and that every other woman was capable of making a speedy but confident decision in purchasing their cosmetics/beauty needs. But today I popped into Priceline in the city, looking for something I can't quite remember. For those of you (ie, men) who have never experienced the joy of Priceline, it's like a cosmetics aisle, but expanded into a whole store. There I was, wandering aimlessly through the place - the original purpose of my mission long forgotten as I was distracted by the Palmer's body butter, the Marc Daniels hair wax tubs (six different varieties that all seem to do the same thing!) and the SugarBaby reduced-to-clear lip glosses - when I realised that every other woman in the place seemed to be suffering the same affliction. They all had the same glassy-eyed stare, the same languid arm movements as they reach out to grab yet another product that could bring them instant great skin/good hair/skinny thighs.

I think there are so many beauty products, it leaves us all overwhelmed. There are so many questions. Do I want high gloss or matt finish on my lipstick? Do I want olive body butter or shea body butter? Scented or unscented? Day cream or night cream? Anti-ageing or anti-blemish? Mascara that Long-lasting or quick-dry nail polish? Gradual tan or spray-on? Define curls or straighten locks? Wax, paste, putty, gel, spray, or mousse?

Do you realise there are more brands of fake glue-on nails than there are brands of paracetamol?

I love choice, and I'm glad I live in a society where I have dozens, if not hundreds of products at my fingertips. But when it comes to cosmetics - boy do I get confused. I'm just happy to see I'm not the only one. Perhaps I should start a support group for the terminally dermatologically confused. Don't worry girls - we can get through this together, and finally make a cosmetic/makeup/hair/beauty choice we're happy with, within a reasonable amount of time!


  1. its just as well we know you, otherwise when u say "he would just grab what we needed and turn up in the make up aisle" - could be taken as a revelation about gregor's secret/personal life, if ya know what i'm sayin!!! :-o

    (dont worry G - ur still my dawg lipstick or not! big love playa!)

    granted i may not know u as well as many of ur other readers/commenters (if thats even a word), but i'm not sure i'm buyin this whole confusion thing. i think its a genetic thing that ALL women spend all their time (and usually their other half's money) on make-up and beauty products! confusion is just a... "cunning plan" to make men believe u; so u can spend more time buying all sorts of products out of 'confusion' - see we're on to you!! god help us if tesco gets a shoe aisle (then again, it probably does! it seems to sell everything else)

    ah, i'm only kidding, i know u dont like to be too overwhelmed with similar things taking up time when it all seems unnecessary. but pay no attention to me, i'm just a guy who buys his soaps and shower gels according to the provocative women advertised on the bottle...

    ps. gregor, before u say it, i do NOT go to tesco just trallin for supermarket ass ok! (i havent done that for a few months come to think of it... might go tomorrow...)

    good luck with the maybeline minefield nat!!


  2. Heya!
    my *boy* spends more time reading the ingredients of skin products and what good they'll for his skin than I do.
    Long before any of his annual significant days arrive, I am presented with a list of products he'd like. Scheeze...
    He does soooo love eyeliner...and salt body scrubs.
    And it cracks me up no end that the sales assistant is often an effervescent and flirty male who smells oh so devine.
    ps. And am kinda impressed with Parra boy made good. Napolean Perdis.

  3. I think it's a plot by the corporate giants... They make things very difficult to compare as far as that whole aisle goes. I'm sure each brand of shampoo/toothpaste/body wash/make up remover or what ever comes in different sized containers just to make it difficult to compare prices, well before you start comparing the features/benefits.

    I'm POSITIVE that the makers of pads and tampons do the same trick, in an attempt to embarrass us into buy the same familiar brands rather than standing infront of a wall of feminine hygenie products with a glazed look on one's face for 5 minutes... I do the latter and get all kinds of embarrassed looks as people try to go around me to reach for their familiar brands... or the men who are almost flourescent in their embarrassment if they have to publicly acknowledge that a woman might need tampons.

    The makes of condoms do a similar trick, but at least they have more or less standardised pack size to 6, 12 or 24. Does anyone besides girls really buy "narrower fit" condoms? Can anyone really feel the studs or ribs? Why would anyone want a green penis? Does anyone else find the idea of a chocolate flavoured wang mildly disturbing?

    Ahhh and the pregnancy tests......

  4. Thank you, Renee, for being the person brave enough to use the phrase "chocolate-flavoured wang" on my blog.

    It had to be done one day, and you're a better woman than I for doing it. ;)


  5. I want to know if it is selfish for a male to put a ribbed or studded condom on inside out? You know, "for HIS pleasure"....

    And why is it after CCL's comments am i reminded of that Start Wars light sabre fight spoof that featured 2 "glow-in-the-dark" condoms being displayed...

    And from my perspective, I would always have thought that any flavour was better than latex... (see I resisted saying the chocolate phrase)!