Nov 13, 2008

Bone of Contention

In recent years, the proliferation of advertisements promoting men's sexual improvement products has spread far beyond seedy ads hidden in the classified section of the local rag.

Spend more than ten minutes listening to a radio station, or drive more than a few kilometres, and you're likely to hear ads about "nasal delivery technology" or see bright yellow billboards demanding to know if you "Want longer lasting CENSORED?"

Perhaps this is particular to Brisbane and South-East Queensland. Maybe the warm sun is doing odd things to our men.

At any rate, marketers have been getting more and more assertive about treating this problem, which used to be only talked about in hushed tones by gossipy housewives. It's become their solemn moral duty to free men from the wilting prison of erectile dysfunction - by mentioning it as often and as publicly as possible.

My radio station has begun running ads for a new product - and despite not being able to tell whether it's a medication or a device of some sort - I know exactly what it's designed to do, thanks to the name:


That's right. These people aren't even trying to be subtle anymore.

So I was thinking perhaps I should get into erectile dysfunction marketing, and help bring the humour back. How's these for possible product names:

"Stiff Happens"
"Hard Knock Wife"
"Magic Johnson"
"The Tent Pitcher"
"Rod & Staff"

Actually, these all sound like names of bad porno films, don't they?


  1. In the words of Shakespeare

    "Aye, There's the rub"

  2. How about

    "Do no Harm with 'Baby-Arm'!" sold seperately

  3. You might need a warning about AIDS for the Magic Johnson one...

    Reminds me of the Anglican cathedral last week...
    Lots of scaffolding and a shiny cap on top
    "I couldn't have got it up without.
    ERECTOMAX" says Aspinal
    "Thank You ERECTOMAX"

  5. And if we are going to Tippy Toe down the road of desenstised feelings

    How about

    "UP YOURS"

  6. "Hard Knock Wife" sounds more like a wife-beating product.

  7. How do you know that, Peter?


    Are you still beating your wife?

  8. Pete's a wife-beater! Pete's a wife-beater!

    (I don't know which will be more tooth-grinding for Peter C. Hayward; the fact we've accused him of domestic violence, or the fact I've just called him "Pete" which apparently he doesn't like)

  9. Hi Natalie,

    When I read the heading of you post, I thought you were off on a rant about social injustice or something equally deep and meaningful.
    I wet myself with delight when I read further. If you end up in marketing products for erectile dysfunction, you're likely to get noticed.
    I am reminded of the time a friend was driving down the motorway with her 8 year old daughter and 5 year old son. As they passed one of those billboards, daughter who is a precocious reader asked "Mum do you want longer lasting sex too?".
    No rta's ensued....:)

  10. And, of course, the Scottish product


  11. Those products should be illegal...I just hope Peter forgives you for the wife bashing remark! ;)

  12. I'd like to hear John Laws doing an ad for it. "When I need to give it to the Grandma's, I can't go past Stiff-U-Make."

  13. Not that I have a problem in that department or anything but this is one of the reasons I don't listen to commercial radio now. Before I left, we'd get bombarded with ads in general and these ads in particular, even during the day.

    If they were talking about a female version of this company, there would be an uproar. But because it is a man product, we'd get told to harden up and get over it! :P

    As an aside, I was listening to a certain station for 10 minutes the other day in the car to listen to the news. It wasn't until 10 minutes past the hour that the actual show started due to the news, sport, weather and ads.