Nov 13, 2008

Bone of Contention

In recent years, the proliferation of advertisements promoting men's sexual improvement products has spread far beyond seedy ads hidden in the classified section of the local rag.

Spend more than ten minutes listening to a radio station, or drive more than a few kilometres, and you're likely to hear ads about "nasal delivery technology" or see bright yellow billboards demanding to know if you "Want longer lasting CENSORED?"

Perhaps this is particular to Brisbane and South-East Queensland. Maybe the warm sun is doing odd things to our men.

At any rate, marketers have been getting more and more assertive about treating this problem, which used to be only talked about in hushed tones by gossipy housewives. It's become their solemn moral duty to free men from the wilting prison of erectile dysfunction - by mentioning it as often and as publicly as possible.

My radio station has begun running ads for a new product - and despite not being able to tell whether it's a medication or a device of some sort - I know exactly what it's designed to do, thanks to the name:

ErectoMax.

That's right. These people aren't even trying to be subtle anymore.

So I was thinking perhaps I should get into erectile dysfunction marketing, and help bring the humour back. How's these for possible product names:

"Cock-a-doodle-DO"
"Stiff Happens"
"Hard Knock Wife"
"Magic Johnson"
"The Tent Pitcher"
"Rod & Staff"

Actually, these all sound like names of bad porno films, don't they?