Nov 6, 2008

Reasons my Gran is Hilarious: #357

My Gran is one fairly impressive lady.  Born in London, raised in the British Raj in India, trapped by a piano after an errant Luftwaffe bomb smashed her house up, lied about her age to join the WRNS, smoked hashish with Arabs - the woman's done it all. And that's just before she married a Polish naval officer, gave birth to my Dad in Iraq, moved to the New Hebrides (Vanuatu), had two more kids, worked as a ship's agent, founded a tour company, helped establish and run the Vanuatu Red Cross, and receive an MBE for her troubles. Oh, and she acts and directs plays too.

See, there's a reason she's called Queen Pat.

Anyhoo, after much protesting, but on my Dad's insistence, Gran signed up for internet access. It's horribly expensive in Port Vila (that's a monopoly for you), and she doesn't do much web-surfing, but boy has she taken to email like an Anatidae to dihydrogen monoxide. She's a canny lady, but she's from a time when bad guys where fairly obvious - what with the moustaches, ridiculous hats, "up the proletariat" rhetoric and all. The net, however, poses a different set of challenges for those who set alarm clocks for Their Finest Hour.

Every so often I get the odd forwarded bit of spam from her, and I feel obligated to double check the facts and reply if I think she's been on the receiving end of some dud's attempt to get into the Guinness Book of Records for juggling babies or a conspiracy theory claiming Keira Knightley is the reincarnated love child of Marie Antoinette and a bratwurst.

(Actually, I do this with most people - I really, really, really can't stand chain emails that spread lies and rumours purporting to be truth. In this instance I hail - that website is truly invaluable at recording and detailing various net hoazes and scams.)

So I recently pointed out to Gran that an email reportedly claiming that UK schools had removed the Holocaust from the curriculum to avoid offending Muslims was complete and utter bollocks. And this was her fabulous reply:
Thanks Natalie for your feedback & interest. We had a German chap here who I detested. He went around saying that the Holocaust never took place. Our society the BESA shamed him by making his remarks public and now he's somewhere in Bali I believe - living with a girl 40 years younger than himself. Horrible man. Love, Gran.

Now THAT's savvy netspeak!


  1. The good thing about the Net is that people with weird ideas can propogate them whenever they like.
    I say good thing because, when they do, they can be shot down in flames and be exposed for what they are, wallies.
    The other reason I feel it is good is because while people are able to disseminate their views they are less likely to up the ante and do something really stupid

  2. I met her just once one evening
    (Oh God this is starting to sound like Bob Menzies in relation to the Queen)
    But it is true I have met her and believe me she is a very switched on Lady
    (and the capital L is intended)

  3. I Have Read Your Previous Topics And You Appear To Be Very Critical Of Keiren Knightly And The Lawyer Cuthbertson Of Which I Have Read In The Papers Recently, Yet You Seem To Be Quite Precious When It Comes To Receiving Any Kind Of Critical Comments About Yourself Girl Clumsey And The Wa, I Was Reading Some Comments Made By Crazy Man Or Something? , And You Deleted, This In My Opinion Is Not Allowing A Balanced View, I Remember He Did Use Profanity But So Did The wah, I Understand This Is Your Blog Site But Showing Bias Cant Possibly Be A Good Thing, Please Allow All Points Of View As I Feel This Is The Best way To Understand Things From all Angles, Im 19 And Studying At Uni, Im Interested In Polotics And I Thought The Crazy Guys Opinions Are Based On Historical Events As They Occured, Political Correctness Is Interesting But It Seems To Distort The Truth At Times To Appease Certain Agendas, Im From Thursday Island And Im Really Enjoying Uni Except For The Propaganda Which Is Rife Here, Would Love Your Feedback And I Love Blog Sites.
    Rachael Lewis

  4. The only comment deleted was a comment I wrote concerning Crazy Horse. In the deleted comment I said some very nasty things about Crazy Horse. I regretted writing the comment and deleted it so I can write a more accurate comment pointing out his constant racism, sexism and bigotry. Even then mu comment was quite pointed. None of Crazy Horse's comments have ever been deleted. GC has never moderated any comments on this site.

    I am surprised a person from Thursday Island would think that Crazy Horse's opinions were historically based. He never actually put forward any evidence to his racist, sexist, bigoted claims. He merely said them over and over, as if repeating them would make them true.

    The term "Politically Correct" is an insult normally used by a sexist, racist bigot when their arguments are pointed out to be incorrect. They have to fall back on empty rhetoric as the position of their argument has obviously no basis in fact.

    Everyone is allowed to contribute to this formum at any time. But they should be warned that it is frequented by people who are educated and have little time for racist sexist bigots. If you choose to say racist, sexist, bigoted things then they should be ready to reap what the sow.

    So welcome to the forum, Crazy Horse.. um I mean 'Rachael Lewis'. Feel free to contribute at any times. The conversation can get lively and I must admit I do not suffer fools lightly.

  5. I Understand, And I Love Lively Debate,But Do You Think im Crazy Horse Guy? Im Learning New Things Every Day, And I Love Brisbane, Im Living With Friends In Kedrin But They Are Always fooling Around, I Miss Dad And He's Triple AAA But I'd Never Tell Him That, He Has Told Me About My Family Tree And Is Very interesting, He Doesnt Believe In The P C Stuff And Says things Straight, Im Learning A Subject About Zealotry And It Sounds Like You, Manifest Destiny And A Book About Abriham Lincoln, I Dont Know What You Mean About Being Surprised Me Being From Thursday Island, Have A Great Night Everybody And Sleep Well, Its Pouring Here.
    Rachael Lewis

  6. No, I'm not a zealot. I am just passionate about truth, facts and not just knee-jerk reactions. I believe in actually researching history and finding the truth and not learning all my information from 'Today Tonight'. I believe in pointoi

    I must admit 'Rach' it is highly suspicious you turn up days after Crazy Horse 'leaves' and you mimic his viewpoint exactly. You have changed how you write (the capitals at the start of every word is a nice touch) but the essence of what you write is the same.

    Maybe I am too suspicious, forgive me.

    So, tell me 'Rach', you come from Thursday Island. Tell me your honest views on the way the indigenous australian people have been treated over the last 200 years? I very excited to hear the viewpoint of a 19 year old university student from Thursday Island.

    I promised to never acknowledge Crazy Horse again on this site. You are obviously not Crazy Horse, 'Rach' so I can talk to you.

  7. Rachel,
    You need to understand that this forum can go off in a multitude of directions at the drop of a hat. The Keiran Knightly thing is a case in point.

    On this forum say what you feel is the truth but, and I say this in all seriousness, be prepared for people to disagree with your views(in some cases quite vehemently) also, when you have views you want to put forward, be prepared to substantiate them. Bald statements will not go unchallenged.

    I too find it hard to understand how anyone coming from TI would not have an understanding of what Australian Indigenous people went through up to 150 years ago. Having said that I do not subscribe to the quite commonly held belief that compensation (ie money) should be handed out for things that happened in the past.

    Those things were done subject to the mores of the time and I don't see how bucket loads of cash will change any of the past.
    At the same time I believe that Governments,(some) people and the Aboriginal peoples themselves are more enlightened and are doing a lot to improve the lot of the Indigenous peoples.