Reasons my Gran is Hilarious: #357

My Gran is one fairly impressive lady.  Born in London, raised in the British Raj in India, trapped by a piano after an errant Luftwaffe bomb smashed her house up, lied about her age to join the WRNS, smoked hashish with Arabs - the woman's done it all. And that's just before she married a Polish naval officer, gave birth to my Dad in Iraq, moved to the New Hebrides (Vanuatu), had two more kids, worked as a ship's agent, founded a tour company, helped establish and run the Vanuatu Red Cross, and receive an MBE for her troubles. Oh, and she acts and directs plays too.

See, there's a reason she's called Queen Pat.

Anyhoo, after much protesting, but on my Dad's insistence, Gran signed up for internet access. It's horribly expensive in Port Vila (that's a monopoly for you), and she doesn't do much web-surfing, but boy has she taken to email like an Anatidae to dihydrogen monoxide. She's a canny lady, but she's from a time when bad guys where fairly obvious - what with the moustaches, ridiculous hats, "up the proletariat" rhetoric and all. The net, however, poses a different set of challenges for those who set alarm clocks for Their Finest Hour.

Every so often I get the odd forwarded bit of spam from her, and I feel obligated to double check the facts and reply if I think she's been on the receiving end of some dud's attempt to get into the Guinness Book of Records for juggling babies or a conspiracy theory claiming Keira Knightley is the reincarnated love child of Marie Antoinette and a bratwurst.

(Actually, I do this with most people - I really, really, really can't stand chain emails that spread lies and rumours purporting to be truth. In this instance I hail snopes.com - that website is truly invaluable at recording and detailing various net hoazes and scams.)

So I recently pointed out to Gran that an email reportedly claiming that UK schools had removed the Holocaust from the curriculum to avoid offending Muslims was complete and utter bollocks. And this was her fabulous reply:

Thanks Natalie for your feedback & interest. We had a German chap here who I detested. He went around saying that the Holocaust never took place. Our society the BESA shamed him by making his remarks public and now he's somewhere in Bali I believe - living with a girl 40 years younger than himself. Horrible man. Love, Gran.

Now THAT's savvy netspeak!