So, where was I?
Wednesday 26 August - Samedi
It's day five of the 7days7drinks challenge, and it's your typical Wednesday hump day. But that can all be cured with a little bit of voodoo magic - introducing Samedi, the Choice of Haitian Black Magicians Everywhere. I found this can standing on its lonesome in the drinks fridge at CityWok, a CBD noodle joint I had visited on Tuesday night with the delightful Amy Currie, who was only too kind in loaning me the $3 needed to purchase it. Samedi styles itself as the SPOOKY energy drink, as evidenced by its silvery can, blood-red-splattered skull design, and "Frenchy" motto: Leve Sa K Deja Mouri. A quick Google would seem to suggest it means "Energy that can Awaken the Dead". It may awaken them well enough, but I'm not sure it's providing much incentive for them to continuing living. Still, it's more enjoyable than anything I've had so far.
Most descriptive tweet: "Samedi's spooky can implies it can RAISE THE DEAD. I expect to be a zombie by 9am. Brains, brains...mmm, taurine."
Most insane tweet: "Oh Samedi, oh you came & you promised me energy, & I need you today, oh Samedi" (Yup - no sleep and too much energy make NATALIE SING BARRY MANILOW).
Most humourous on-can promo line: It's not humourous, it's spooky, and it's in French. Thankfully they provided an English translation: "He passed through the edge of darkness to find a potion more powerful than life. When found, it delivered such intense energy that it is believed to have the strength to awaken the dead." Hmm. Maybe Harry Potter should feed this potion to Dumbledore?
Thursday 27 August - Red Eye (Classic)
I had bought this for 84 cents in Woolworths. That's right, 84 cents. It was the last one on the shelf. I can't seem to find an expiry date, so I assume it's all good. Takes me back though - I first discovered Red Eye waaaaay back in the late 1990s, when I was just a young chickadee rocking up to watch impro at the now-defunct Hub Cafe in Margaret Street. Red Eye was the drink of choice for performers needing a pre-show boost. Well, that or Jolt Cola. My memory is obviously affectionate, as it only takes me an hour to down this bad boy. It's only 330ml, but it actually does taste better. Less of that taurine taste - and no wonder. Comparing packaging, the Red Eye contains 30mg of taurine per 100ml, while the Samedi from yesterday has a whopping 400mg per 100ml. No wonder I could pick up SBS through my buzzing teeth those other days.
Most descriptive tweet: "First sip of 'Red Eye Classic' seemed a sweet breath of tasty air this morning... subsequent sips getting smoggier". Huh. Still not a perfect solution.
Most insane tweet:"Better taste + smaller volume + increasing tiredness = RED EYE GONE IN AN HOUR. Ohhhh, dear..." Huh. Not even that insane. Red-Eye has its positives.
Most humourous on-can promo line: "Original blend of pure spring water, amino acids and B vitamins. The perfect everyday refreshment." Hang on. THAT'S NOT FUNNY, RED-EYE. Get some mentions of craziness or dark magic or evil kittens or something on there, for gawd's sake.
Friday 28 August - Wicked
I had come home late on Thursday afternoon to find this can in the fridge, courtesy of The Wah. It's another new one, but interesting in that the manufacturers have gone with the 375ml can. This is unusual in the world of energy drinks - they generally come in 250ml slim cans, 330ml sleek bottles, or 500ml JESUS WHY DO WE NEED THIS MUCH double-shot cans. Certainly 375ml is easier on the oesophagus. But to be honest, I have no recollection of how this drink tasted. There is no memory on my taste buds. All I can say is - nicer than the Mother, Monster and Insane.
Most descriptive tweet: "The WICKED is almost gone already. It has a pretty design on the can. It tastes OK, but it could be Stockholm Syndrome."
Most insane tweet: "Really, I'm just wasting everyone's time sitting here crapping on about energy drinks. Surely I should do more with my life. Argh." STARK CLARITY AT LAST.
Most humourous on-can promo line: "Wicked is not one for the faint-hearted...its combination of caffeine and taurine will get your heart pumping and your body racing. Hell, it may even convince you to get that tat you've always wanted. So get wicked." Interesting, as I've never wanted a tat. EVER. Not even after seven days of sleep deprivation and taurine overload. FAIL.
Scientifically - well, there's not much I can say conclusively. The drinks didn't give me massive boosts of energy; but then I was sleep-deprived, so I guess I could credit them with giving me a boost to "normality", perhaps. But nothing much more than my beloved Pepsi Max gives me - without the spoonfuls of sugar and metallicky mouth. And the price tag. These drinks range in cost from around $2.50 to $4.50 a pop - although I did notice they're often on special and some seem to be getting cheaper.
If you learn nothing else from my experiment, please remember: these drinks are awful. Truly. Grab a coffee or diet cola drink instead. Save your money. And your sanity.